Dare to Dream
by mooniegoonie
Summary: Lily Evans is now attending her seventh year of Hogwarts School of witch craft and wizardry. With a great loss leaving her distraught she is left vulnerable. The only other person who knows her deep and sorrow secret is the insufferable James Potter. Will
1. Dare To Dream

**Dare to Dream**

**A LILY AND JAMES FANFIC**

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own all the characters. Most belong to J.K Rowling in her hit series Harry Potter. This is just my version of how Lily Evans and James Potter came together. My Fanfic references to J. K Rowling's novel and also contains extracts out of Harry Potter and the order of phoenix. This is purely made for fun and earns no profit._

Lily Evans is now attending her seventh year of Hogwarts School of witch craft and wizardry. With a great loss leaving her distraught she is left vulnerable. The only other person who knows her deep and sorrow secret is the insufferable James Potter. Will she over come her hurt with the help of her mischievous opposition? And will it lead into his disheveled arms?  
Full of love, lust, pain and friendship between both the muggle and wizardry world's lily is forced restlessly through the different shades of life.


	2. Beginning

**Beginning**

**Fifth Year**

'This last exam goes towards your concluding owl results for this year. So I advise you to put as much effort in as you possibly can. You may now begin.'

Lily picked up her quill and watched her paper exams appear in front of her. Peter was looking around the hall dumb struck as everyone started scribbling on there papers. He looked down at his own then towards James hoping to get some answers. The teacher's walked around checking for unfortunate personals that had found a way to trick the non-cheating quills.

An hour later James closed his papers and rested back on his chair, he ruffled his hair and searched the hall for others that had completed their test papers. Only Remus sat back resting on his chair, looking somewhat fatigued. But nevertheless he gave a large toothy grin as his eyes reached James. Severus Snape was near by flicking through his exam, his nose just barely of the page. James narrowed his gaze past him and lingered on Lily Evans and watched as the glow of light from the sun reflected on her. He took one last glance around to Professor Flitwick and turned in his seat and gave a grin to Sirius. Who put his thumbs up in response. James turned in his seat once again, restless from being stuck inside on her perfectly sunny day. He grabbed a spare piece or parchment and drew a snitch, then slowly traced the letters L.E. He looked back at Lily again and heard the tousle of parchment being taken back.

Sirius, Remus, Peter and James made their way outside to the grounds. They found a beech tree and settled underneath it. Remus grabbed out a book and started to study. James took out a snitch he had nicked and let it escape from his grasp only to capture it again before it flew too far. Peter watched with exhilaration as the snitch flew further from James arm length. Sirius on the other hand looked around the grounds bored.

'Put that away will you, before Wormtail wets himself with excitement.' Sirius said.

'If it bothers you.' James grinned; he tucked the snitch away and looked towards the group of girls by the lake. Lily was unmistakably laughing with them, her vibrant red hair lightly swaying with the wind.

'I'm bored.' Sirius sighed, 'I wish it was full moon.'

'You might' Remus replied.

'This might liven you up Padfoot. Look who it is.'

'Excellent. Snivelles.' Both James and Sirius got to their feet looking towards a Dark haired, pale skinned Slytherin.

'Alright, Snivelles?' Said James loudly.

Snape turned to them, his wand out and ready to protect and hex. James took his own out and called 'Expelliarmus'.

Lily who was peacefully enjoying the cool water of the lake soak around her toes watched as her friends all turned around and stood up to check out the commotion behind them. Lily followed there direction and sighed as she took in the scene, a typical day of Potter and his friends annoying Severus. She reluctantly stood and made her way over to prevent them.

'How'd the exam go Snivelley? James sneered.

'I was watching him; his nose was touching the parchment.' Sirius said viciously. 'There'll be great grease marks all over it; they won't be able to read a word.'

Several onlookers laughed.

'You wait.' Snape said, under the 'Impedimenta' charm by Sirius. 'You wait!' He said looking towards James with a pure loathing.

'Wait for what?' Sirius said coolly. 'What're you going to do Snivelley, wipe your nose on us?'

Snape yelled out a stream of mixed swear words and hexes. 'Wash your mouth.' said James coldly, 'Scourgify!' Pink soap bubbles streamed from Snape's mouth at once; the froth was covering his lips, making him gag, choking him.

'Leave him ALONE!'

James and Sirius looked round. James free hand immediately jumped to his hair. 'All right, Evans?' He said.

'Leave him alone.' She said to him angrily. 'What has he done to you?'

'Well it's more of the fact that he exits, if you know what I mean…'

Everyone laughed. With the exception of Remus who was still reading through his book and Lily. 'You think you're funny.' She said to James coldly. She had really had it this time. 'You're just an arrogant, bullying toe rag Potter. Leave him alone.' She wasn't caring if she was being too irrational or if half the school was watching. He was just buggering her, more then his usual self was capable of.

'I will if you go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelley again.'

'I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid.' said Lily. Sirius, who was surprised by what James had just asked pat his back.

'Bad luck Prongs'.

Snape had got free from Sirius charm and sent a flash of light to James. A gash appeared on the side of his face, splattering his robes with blood. James swirled about a second flash of light later, Snape was hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of graying underpants. Many people in the small crowd cheered. Sirius, James and Peter roared with laughter. Lily, whose furious expression had twitched for an instant as though she was going to smile, said, 'Let him down!'

'Certainly.' said James, and he jerked his wand upwards; Snape fell into a crumpled heap on the ground. Disentangling himself from his robes he got quickly to his feet, wand up, but Sirius said 'Petrificus Totalus' and Snape keeled over again, rigid as a board.

'LEAVE HIM ALONE' Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily.

'Ah Evans. Don't make me hex you.' said James earnestly.

'Take the curse off then!'

James sighed deeply, then turned to Snape and muttered the counter curse. 'There you go' he turned to Snape struggled to his feet. 'You're lucky Evans was here, Snivelles-'

'I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!'

Lily blinked. 'Fine.' She said coolly. 'I won't bother in future, and I'd wash your pants if I were you Snivellus.'

"Apologize to Evans!' James roared at Snape.

'I don't want you to make him apologize.' Lily shouted, rounding on James. 'You're as bad as he is.'

'What', Yelped James. 'I'd NEVER call you a, you-know-what.'

"Messing up your hair because you think it's cool so it looks like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can- I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.' She turned on her heel and hurried away.

'Evans!' James shouted after her. 'Hey. EVANS!' But she didn't look back. 'What is it with her?' James said, trying and failing to look as though this was a throw away question of no real importance to him.

'Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited mate', said Sirius.

'Right'. James said who looked furious now 'right' there was another flash of light and Snape was once again hanging upside-down in the air. 'Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?'

**Anguish**

**Seventh year**

'You're head boy! Dumbledore gave you that honor so you would set a good example to the school, not to run around the place like you own it, hexing those who annoy you, or breaking girl's hearts that you so carelessly meddle with such pleasure. You're sick Potter, really pathetic! Grow up!' Lily threw her red curly hair over her shoulder and gave James a piercing stare with her emerald green eyes.

'Evans where's the joy in your life? Seriously, maybe if you got your nose out of a book and gave a smile in life you wouldn't be so hot headed about things. Come on now, you're a pretty girl, nice figure, gorgeous eyes. If only your personality wasn't so tempered with guys would ask you out.' He gave her a smile and beamed.

Lily scowled, 'For your information guys do ask me out! If you were smart enough to know I don't yell at everyone I see. You're just the lucky one.'

'Why, because I've completely destroyed your perfect little life with my good looks, pranks, popularity and bloody brilliant personality and the fact that ever since I have met you I have made sure your life was a living hell. Sorry precious but I love your reactions, although Meg Whyte seems to sit at the border line as well.' James put his hand through his jet black hair and ruffled it impossibly more.

'You're the most arrogant THING I have EVER met! Lily spat. She looked as if she was going to pound him one. James quickly waved with his mischievous grin and fled down the corridor before she could take action on her temper.

_I hate him, I hate him, I HATE him_! Lily had her fists clenched. She turned her heels and walked the other way trying to calm herself down. _I wish everything he has ever done to people would set bad karma upon him self_.

___

_Lily Evans, a girl with a fiery temper and fiery red hair to go with it_. James waved to a couple of girls that watched him walk by._ If only she relaxed a bit and wasn't so into reading and being a-goodie-two-shoes I'd ask her out. _He winked at a Blonde Hufflepuff who was smiling at him meters from his left side_. Oh that blonde girl looks pretty…_She turned to get a better look at him_. Oh no, big mole on her forehead. Yeah, like I was thinking…what was I thinking? That's right, quidditch. Oh how I love my sport._

'James, oi, over here.'

'Sirius' James acknowledged walking towards him.

'Where have you been? I think we're late for potions.'

'Evans' He replied simply.

'Ah, let's turn her hair the same colour as her eyes tonight.' Sirius sniggered.

'Brilliant idea Padfoot! Classic!' They walked off towards the dungeons together planning their attack.

Later that night, Lily finished clothing herself and used her hand to wipe away the steam fogging the bathroom mirror. She hummed a tune whilst taking out her tooth brush and looked into the mirror before her.

'POTTER' Lily stormed out of the girl's dormitory. It didn't take her long to find James with the rest of his friends. They all looked up at her. The whole Gryffindor Common room couldn't help but stare at her as she stormed in, her green eyes raging with the same colour as her now greenish hair. 'Change it back!' She demanded. The room echoed in laughter. Most of it was from James and Sirius. Remus looked torn between giving his mates a disapproving look and hiding a small grin.

'I dare say it suits you.' James cackled over the noise. Lily took her wand out and pointed it at him. He stopped laughing and groaned. He knew how well she was with magic. 'To remove it you simply have to do the same as receiving.' He sighed. 'Meaning go for another shower and use your shampoo. Good idea, huh?' Lily scowled. 'At least we know you're a clean girl.' He fell into laughter once more. Lily didn't remove her wand from him.

'Are you lying?'

'Would I lie to you'? She eyed him, eye brows raised. Then knowing she wouldn't get anything more out of him headed back towards the dormitories.

'Oh and Evans.' He called after her, 'nice PJ's'. She walked on blushing crimson as the common room roared with laughter at her expense.

_

They were in their seventh year at Hogwarts now. Lily had always been the sweet, smart and innocent, or as James liked to call it a nerdy know-it-all teachers pet. She didn't take much from James Potter, he was just a pebble in her shoe for the last six years, but this year she had to take that pebble out of its old and dusty shoe against her own will to deal with him for he had been given the honor of head boy. _God knows how?_ James Potter. He was a prankster who was never serious, a womanizer, part time bully and a quidditch star. Not to mention funny, popular and handsome. Lily and James were sworn enemy's since first year, when James introduced himself to her whilst tripping over in doing so, a memorial memory for Lily, and a total disaster for James.

This lily thought, could be the reason for his annoyance in her life, revenge!


	3. Taunted

**Taunted**

**Chapter Two**

It was late. At least ten past eleven. All head students from each house had to patrol the corridors. Lily made her way back to the common room for a quick drink. It was dim inside; the fire only just ablaze. The room was completely deserted, having all students been put to their dormitories at ten. Lily poured herself a glass of water and sat on the couch facing the fire to sip it. She yawned, rubbing her eyes to resist sleep. But her unconsciousness was getting the better of her. She couldn't resume patrol like this. Slowly she let herself drift off for a little bit before she had to head back.

James walked in and stretched. His eyes fell on lily's figure sprawled out on the couch. He walked up to her, thinking of awful idea's he could do to her while she was asleep. She rolled over onto her side and made a little groan, tucking her head just underneath her arm. James hesitated, smiling as the last flames illuminated her face. She was beautiful, he knew this. But she was so much more beautiful lying there peacefully, then her usual aggravated face he had grown so familiar with. He went to carry her to her dormitory, but thought against the idea remembering the problematic magic against males upon touching the female staircase. Instead he placed his cloak over her body and sat by the nearest armchair. He made himself comfortable as he watched her mumble a few incoherent words. He himself was dozing off. He leaned his head back as Lily let out a smile, he watched as her lips turned. He hadn't seen her smile, not a pure one anyway. He watched her for another fifteen minutes remembering his continuous crush on her before his eyelids crept shut. Her image played through his dreams, her smile beckoning him. He opened his eyes as he went to reach for her and found the sunlight shinning lightly around the room. He took in his surroundings and slowly remembered how he had gotten to be here. he looked upon Lily and saw her stir in her sleep. James checked his watch as she opened her eyes and blinked, still caught in her dreams.

'James.' She whispered.

'Yes'. He said lightly, knowing she must be half asleep to hear her call him by his first name.

'What time is it?'

'It's still early, go back to sleep.'

She tried getting up. 'I have to get back to my dormitory.' She rubbed her eyes and sat up.

He gave her his hand. She eyed him warily.

'Do I have green hair or something, because you're being unusually nice?'

'What. Can't I be a gentleman for once?' He asked in an amusing tone.

'You're James Potter, of course not'

He laughed at her, helping her up. 'You know you smiled last night when you were sleeping, it was quiet unbelievable.'

'I did'

'Yeah, you should do it more often, you have a beautiful smile.'

'Okay Potter, what prank are you pulling now?'

'No prank, I'm just tired. I'll be proper James in a few hours.' He finished walking her to the girl's staircase.

'Well night then.' She said heading up to her comfortable bed.

'Morning' He replied, taking one last glance at her before leaving.

_

'Lily, wake up. You'll be late for class. Lily's eyes shot open and she saw Victoria prancing around the room, her book bag in one hand and an apple in the other. 'Charms is first'. She continued walking out of the room. Ten minutes later Lily hurried out of the room to charms, quickly taking a seat with Victoria before Professor Flitwick walked in. Slightly flustered lily took a look around the room. Everyone was mucking about. She gazed at them all, her eyes settling onto James. He flickered his eyes away and lily looked on, remembering the morning's encounter. She had called him by his first name and more surprising to her was that he was actually normal, a real gentleman, there was something terribly wrong. Lily looked back to Victoria and yawned. 'Looks like a good day'.

'Perfect. Sky's blue, weathers warm and everyone's smiling... Beside's Peter.' She pointed to a short and ratty looking boy.

'Why isn't he sitting with Potter and the others?' Lily asked looking back over where James was, Sirius and Remus were both sitting with him, accompanied by two Hufflepuff's who were throwing themselves onto James and Sirius.

'They would have gotten him under some spell, likely enough anyway.'

James took a small glance at Lily; this morning had caught him in a realization. For the past two years he had some what gotten over his crush for Lily. Her smile brought back every drop he had forced behind him. They shared a few minutes of none bickering, who would have ever guessed that impossible. He rid her from his mind and nudged Sirius, and started talking about Quidditch. Amelia and Mariah giggled at the boys as they described the memory of a bludger attack on the Slytherin keeper Tony Albert from last year. James gave them a wink and let Amelia throw herself upon him. There giggles and smiles were flattering, but James couldn't help but remember Lily's smile. He shook the memory off and grabbed Amelia onto his lap. Professor Flitwick walked in and stood before them all.

'Miss Hilder, please remove your self from Potter and take a seat. Evans, would you please come forth to the front of the class for a demonstration. Watch students and learn.' He gave Lily some instructions and got her to perform a simple spell in front of her peers. She did as told and levitated a book and magically turned it over to page fifty one and made the words float off the paper and onto the chalk board. The class clapped in awe.

'Nerd'. James called out. Lily gave him a death stare.

'Why don't you use that spell all the time?' Sirius asked.

'I, for the matter of fact like to write on my own with out magic'. Flitwick replied. 'Now you all try it'.

_

Lily walked with Victoria and the rest of her friends into the great hall for lunch. The Gryffindor house was huddled in the middle of the table all gawking at something. James and Sirius rushed by to get a closer look. 'Move on ladies, let us through.' Victoria and the others joined them. They made there way to the centre. Lily walked to the end of the table away from the commotion, Remus joined her.

'Hello Remus.'

"Morning Lily, How are you today?'

"Well thank you, yourself?'

'Not bad. I wanted to warn you and the other girls that the.. err the 'boys' are planning to do something in the common room tonight. It didn't sound too great, so try and stay as far as possible and warn the others.'

'Thank you Remus.'

'No problem Lily, I've tried numerous times to prevent them, especially with James being head boy now, but I don't think they'll ever grow out of it.' He smiled thinking of his mates and looked back to Lily.

'I've been trying for sixth years now Remus, they're impossible.'

'Nothing is impossible.' He left her side and found a seat further down the table. Lily took a seat and made herself a plate of salad. James and Sirius jumped out of the huddled group with two girls linked on either arm. They sat opposite Lily and stuffed there mouths with chips. The four girls chuckled as James drank his Pumpkin juice in one gulp.

'Do you really have to sit here?' Lily said watching in revulsion.

'Oh come on Lily,' Sirius said through a mouthful of mashed potatoes. 'You're such a bossy boots. Join in.'

'No thank you.'

James looked up at her. 'Poor lil's, want some?' He held out half a chicken wing to her.

'No' she said giving him a horrid look. He shrugged turning to the girls and gave them a bite. 'See Evans, they'll have some.' He was hand feeding one of the pretty blondes. Lily stood up and shook her head, leaving the great hall, no longer wanting food. James pulled the blonde off not finding the fun in it anymore and walked after Lily. She had already made it to the second floor when he caught up with her. She turned at the footsteps.

'What do you want?' She sighed.

James took his words carefully, but in the end blurted, 'Wanna come to Quidditch practice with me this afternoon?'

Lily looked him over surprised. He hadn't asked her out since there public fight in fifth year. 'No'. She turned to look out the closest window, which looked out to the grounds and lake. James pretty much kicked himself for blurting those words out.

'Rejected huh.'

'One more to add to the list.'

He got his grin back and watched her amused. 'You're the only one who has rejecting me you know.'

She looked over at him. Yes he was handsome; his body was broad and toned from his five years of Quidditch. She could only imagine how nicely his torso would feel under her fingertips. She didn't blame the other girls melting into his charm. His mischievous grin, beautiful hazel eyes that drew in any female who connected with them. Lily shook the thoughts away. She despised this male, who used his talent and beauty for his advantage.

'Oh I'm sorry, did I break the record?'

He shrugged as if this didn't matter much to him. 'Cya around then.' And he left down the corridor. Lily turned back to staring at the grounds not even bothering to reply.

'James, why are you staring at her?' Sirius asked him hours later that afternoon. James took his eyes a way from the girl in the corner of the room.

'I'm not'.

'Yes you are. Is she your new objective?'

'Huh, no. I wasn't even staring at her.'

Sirius just laughed, 'Yeah, what ever Prongs. Come on, it's prank time.'

Lily noticed James and Sirius rise from their couch and head towards the boys staircase. She put her book down and left her corner to wait up in her room where she didn't have to become a victim to their upcoming prank. She stopped as she reached the top flight of stairs and looked back. _'I'm head girl, I stop these things remember'._ She told herself mentally. She walked back down the stairs and found Sirius and James giving out sweets. Almost everyone had taken one by time Lily reached them. All at once the room was filled with screams. Lips were turned blue, hair changed to a light pink and voices were high pitched. Sirius and James bellowed in laughter. Lily rounded on them with such rage.

'Stop it NOW' she yelled.

'Want one?' Sirius handed her the bowl of sweets. She grabbed the bowl and with her wand made it disappear. The boys didn't stop laughing they had already accomplished there prank. A First year ran passed them crying as she tried to hide her mouth.

'Put them back'. Her face grew red. _How on Earth can someone be so immature?_

'What are you going to do about it? He asked, too pleased with himself.

'Fifty points off Gryffindor.' She bellowed.

'What!? Lily that is so unfair.'

'Turn them back!'

'It lasts for an hour.' James put in, not laughing any more.

'I need to talk with you Potter.' He nodded and followed her to a booth at the back of the room.

'Yes?' He asked innocently, using his charm.

'Your head boy! You should know better. If Dumbledore knew he'd-'

'He'd love them. Maybe I should give him one.'

'POTTER'

'You're cute when you're angry.' He beamed. It took Lily every ounce to control her muscles from strangling him.

'Grow up!'

'Go out with me.'

She stopped, the last few words digesting in her mind.

'You heard me Evans. You go out with me, and I'll grow up.'

'Never' she spat walking away. James watched her leave, a little hurt. Sirius just shrugged at him from across the room. 'Woman'

The next day was another beautiful sunny morning. James had forgotten about his disappointment with Lily; well rather put it to the back of his mind. He let the swarm of daily girls hang off him as a typical Hogwarts day. He watched lily trot by with a stack of books piled in her arms and remembered how she was meant to be to him. '_My number one victim in pranking and only that. But was that why I had tripped in front of her in first year, would she have been my victim still if she had of just said yes? I didn't expect her to be my victim or for tripping in front of her. Truth be told, I was drawn to her. Her rich red curls, unique emerald eyes, and the way she held herself so gracefully'._ He shook these thoughts from his mind and tugged the closes girl into his right arm. She smile pleasantly at him and her friends all shared envious expressions. He had to get Lily Evans out of his mind. _How could she now worm herself back in after two years? Or better yet, why did he still have this continuous crush on her since the last six years?_

_

_Was it a prank? A dare? Was he trying new ways to prank me? By meddling with my heart?_ She held her books closer as she noticed him a few meters behind her. _Look at him, he thinks his king of the school. So immature. Everything I hate and despise. What gave him the right to ask me out? Joke or not! That stoops real low. Even for him._ She walked on ignoring the happy giggles from the girls and walked into the library.

_

'Mr. Potter'

James turned around to find Professor Flitwick. 'Yes sir'.

'I need a word with you. Alone.'

James left the group of girls and followed his charms teacher by one of the many arched windows. 'What did I do now' He asked as they stopped.

'I've asked Lily Evans if she could tutor you.'

'You WHAT!' Said James wide eyed.

'Look, your recent homework has been, well under the weather and Lily has been exceptionally above it. I have asked out of your best interest Potter. I advise you to take advantage of this situation. We have our Charms pre exam not long away and it contributes to your final year OWL's.' Professor Flitwick gave James a nod and left.

'Yeah', James said to himself quietly. 'Just terrific. I try and get her out of my mind and now I'm stuck with her.' He groaned and walked back to the group of girls who were waiting for him.


	4. Haste

**Haste**

**Chapter Three**

It was five past ten. James slammed his Charm books onto the desk Lily was using. She looked up at him as he took a seat in front of her.

'Okay' she said half absent mindedly. She took out her own Charms book and quill. 'What do you need to know?'

James shrugged 'Dunno, lets start with everything.' She rolled her eyes at him.

'James, Lily.' Sirius walked towards them and took a seat. 'What dear world have I stepped into to see you two sitting so calmly with one another.'

'It's called tutoring Sirius.'

'Ohh tutoring aye' he gave James a wink.

'Or I was before you interrupted. Sirius, go turn someone's hair green and leave us alone please.'

'Lily!' Sirius said astonished. 'You gave me permission to do such a thing... I'm disappointed.'

'Sirius!' Lily glared at him.

'I'm going, I'm going.' He left, turning the first boy upside down with his wand. 'Hey little fella. First year are ya?' Lily almost jumped from her seat to prevent Sirius wrong doings but sat down and bit her lip.

'So' she struggled trying to ignore Sirius. 'Open your book. We have an exam coming up, we'll start learning what we'll need for it.'

'Sounds great.' James stretched with a big grin across his face. 'Want a drink?'

'No, I'll be right.' She saw a couple of girls waving to James in the corner of her eye. 'Really', lily muttered 'It's disgusting how they throw themselves at you.' Lily continued watching him smile at the girls 'and its pathetic you lead them on.'

'Jealous?'

'No Potter, concentrate.'

James looked back at Lily, watching her green eyes glare at him. _Beautiful_, he looked down to the table. She would not break me. He noticed her hand lying on the table; he had the urge to take it in his own. He looked up into her eyes once again. 'You didn't come to Quidditch practice.'

'I said I wouldn't. I had better things to do.'

'Like what?'

'My potions homework.'

'I'm insulted. You hurt me Evans, you really do.' He said holding his heart. _Not too far off the truth._

'Oh I'm sorry, do I.' She reached out and patted his hand. He took his hand away overwhelmed with the sudden touch he had wanted. Lily looked at him stunned. 'What's wrong? Never had a girl touch you before? That's funny considering I've seen you do a whole lot of other things with them.'

James just shrugged. _He was in no way going to admit what her touch has caused through him_. 'You just took me by surprise Evans. Come on lets get this study thing over.'

'The fun doesn't stop here. Flitwick asked me to tutor you for at least a week.' James groaned. 'Yeah, that's exactly what I did when he told me. So, what is the Spagus charm?' Lily asked.

'Err... where you make a spar for Gus?'

'No, it's what helps you breath under water. It lasts up to three hours. It's meant to work like an air-conditioner, recycles. So it's recycling your oxygen within you.'

'What's an air-conditioner?'

'It's what muggles use to keep there houses cool on hot days. It's a long story, I'll show you one day.'

'Promise?'

She hesitated watching him beam. 'Err, alright.'

'What's your house like?'

'Normal. Well un-magically normal. Besides my annoying older sister Petunia, she's far from normal.'

'What's the rest of your family like?'

Lily unsure with James questions answered wearily 'What a family is usually like I guess. My parents are the kindest beings I believe you can come across.' James smiled as her face lit up with love.

'Mine aren't so glamorous. You should see them argue. It is pretty funny when my mother tries to levitate plates at him. She never was a good sportswoman. I reckon you'd be just like her.' Lily got her wand out and levitated a cushion right into James face. He fell off his chair and landed with a thud. He quickly got back to his feet, flicking his hand into his hair. 'Chair had a loose leg, couldn't handle my good looks, so naturally it fell for me.'

Lily couldn't help but snigger, 'Sure'.

'So Lily, 'Would like to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?'

'No thanks.'

'Why not?'

'Because I don't want to.' She sighed.

'Fair enough. What time is our next meeting?'

'We have barely even started this one, sit down.'

He sat and rested his head onto his arms. 'Okay Miss Evans, what would you like to teach me now?'

They spent most the night studying until Lily called its quits. She went up to the girl's dormitory leaving James to play wizard chess with his mates.

_

_She looks beautiful today. Well she always does, but today I can really notice it. Not saying I haven't before… I'm a hopeless girl-catcher. Well no, since I can't walk anywhere with them clung to my arms. But she's different. She's not like the other girls._

'Jamesy boi!' Sirius waved his hand in front of James face. 'What you thinking about?'

'Nothing.'

Remus and Peter caught up with the boys.

'Wanna sneak into the kitchens tonight?'

Peter squirmed with delight, Remus gave it a pass. James shook his hand as well. 'Can't, Lily's tutoring me.'

'Well you two are a let down. Well I have a plan for the Hogsmeade weekend. We'll go into Hogs head and sell some of our pranks. Teachers and prefects will be in the three broomsticks.' Peter and Remus agreed. Sirius turned to James who was looking off into a crowd of people.

'James, Prongs! Wake up, what's gotten into you. What are you staring at?'

'Huh. Nothing.' James faced the boys. 'What did you say we were doing?

_

'Lily' Victoria called out. Lily turned in her seat.

'Hey Vic.'

'The girls have already left for Hogsmeade, are you coming?'

'Yeah, I just wanted to finish off my essay.'

'You're such a bookworm.'

Lily poked her tongue out. 'Give me a second'. She finished her sentence, and then put her books away. After another ten minutes, she was dressed and ready to go.

_

'Okay Padfoot, get your arse out here.' James said waiting by the large oak doors.

'You try sneaking out all these pranks.' Sirius came out wearing a large jacket, the pockets bulging with strange items the four boys had come up with over the years.

'Is Moony and Wormtail coming?'

'Wormtail should be here and Moony is staying in with full moon approaching tonight, Come on let's go, we'll meet Peter down there.'

They walked through the gates and into Hogsmeade. 'See I told you they would all be in the three broomsticks.' James peered into the window and noticed Lily laughing with her friends. Sirius moved onto the Hogshead.

_

Lily and her friends walked out and decided to see the haunted house up the street. James and Sirius walked out of the Hogshead and the two groups collided.

'Hey James, Sirius'. Amelia said. 'Want to come to check out the Haunted house with us?'

'Nar, that's bori-'

'Course we will.' James said linking arms with Amelia. 'Come on Sirius.' Sirius shrugged and Sarah took his arm. Lily and Victoria led the rear as everyone crowded around the front.

'Wonder what's in there.' Victoria said as they all stood by the gates over looking a ragged, unstable tower. 'Ghosts maybe, evil ones.' Sirius and James laughed at her.

'Then what do you think it is then.' Lily said. James put his arm around her.

'Your worst nightmare lil'.

'Get off me Potter.' She said taking his arm off.

'Come on, you know you love it.' He said poking her. She turned to him.

'Oh yes James' she said with a seductive tone, 'I want you, I want you.' She ran a finger down his chest, tracing his well built stomach. Almost as soon as she did this she regretted it. She was meant to be seductive here, not him.

He lifted his eyebrows. 'Really?'

'You're so gullible.' She said walking passed him. He watched her go letting his racing chest slow down from her touch.

_

James sat at the back of the common room with another tutoring lesson. Lily just took a glance at him and continued writing on a scroll of parchment.

'Erm hello.'

'Just a sec.' He waited a minute while she finished writing and put her quill down. 'Okay I'm ready.'

'So... what are we learning today?'

'Well I was actually wondering if we could work on Defense against the dark arts. We have an exam in two days. I thought we could help each other today.

They studied well into the night. A few other people joined them. Two girls came up and watched them. Lily found it highly annoying. James noticed and told them to run along.

'That wasn't nice.' Lily told him.

'If it wasn't me, you would have said it.'

She smiled. 'True'.

'There's that smile again.' He watched her. 'So what do you usually do when your home in your muggle world?'

'I sleep and eat.' She replied.

'You know what I meant.'

She watched him feeling the same wearily feeling. 'I read, and do normal things such as bike riding and watching television, spend time with the family.'

'You and your family sound close.'

'Well I am with my parents. Petunia on the other hand hates me.'

'I'm sure she doesn't hate you, perfect Lily Evans.'

She scowled at him. 'She hates me because I'm a witch. Because in her terms that makes me a freak.'

James was surprised, he was about to ask more but Lily cut him off. 'What about you.'

'Sirius lives with us so we usually make pranks and go to Quidditch matches.'

'Fun' she yawned.

'You should get some sleep; we have potions first up tomorrow. Don't want Professor Hepburn on your back'

'Since when do you care?'

'Who said I cared.' He gave her his famous one sided grin. She puzzled at him.

'Are you playing with me Potter?'

'You know maybe I am.

She raised her eyebrows. 'You're a lot nicer, you haven't pranked me in at least a week now. You feeling alright'

He chuckled. 'No I'm bad to the bone.'

'Hmm sure.' Lily stood up and stretched.

'Lily' he started.

"Your calling me by my first name now are you?'

'Well Evans then.'

"Yes Potter.'

'Will you... will you go out with me?'

'No'

'A date?'

'No Potter. I don't know what you're playing at, but no!'

'Why not?'

'All these years of infuriating me and now you just ask me out. I'm not like the other girls James. I'm not going to be your little puppy dog. You're an arrogant sleaze bag and just because you're being nice don't mean I can just forget what you've done.

'Come on lil's that was the past.'

'That doesn't mean you've changed. Goodnight.' She left him sitting there. He sighed._ Never have I felt this bad from rejection. Not that I have been rejected before. I do feel changed. Except she cant see that. Not yet anyway._ Lily wasn't just some attractive girl he wanted. She was Lily. Beautiful, perfect Lily.

_

The week continued fast. Lily and James tutoring lessons were short and strictly on Charms, neither one of them wanting to speak of anything else.

Lily and Victoria walked through the castle on a late Saturday afternoon. Victoria was telling her all about a certain blonde haired Hufflepuff. They were rounding a corner when flashes of light flew passed them. They both ducked and looked further ahead. A few green cloaks were suddenly on there feet and pouncing about. Three other cloaks showing the familiar orange and gold stood by them laughing.

'POTTER' lily held her wand towards him 'Expelliarmus'. His wand flew in the air. He searched for the voice and laid his eyes on lily.

'What are you doing?' He asked slightly angry.

Lily chanted a few spells and the slytherin's who were tap dancing stopped and rounded on him.

'Go back to you houses, all of you, before I take points off!' The Slytherin's looked between James and Lily. 'I'll start with fifty.'

They turned on their heels giving James, Sirius and Peter death stares and left.

'Oh come on Lily, we were having fun.' Sirius whined.

Lily shook her head angry and furious at how immature they could be and stormed back down the corridor with Victoria on her heels.

'Lily, hold up.'

"Urgh! There so immature. Especially James, his meant to be head boy. I can't stand him sometimes.'

'Settle Lily. The Slytherin's might have provoked them'

'Still' was all Lily said, she stormed into the Gryffindor Common room and took a seat.

_

James walked into the Gryffindor Common room later that afternoon and found Lily sitting with a group of friends.

'Evans' He said walking over to her. She ignored him. 'Evans I need to talk to you.'

Her friends looked to one from the other. Lil opened her mouth 'There is nothing to talk about.'

'As head boy I need to talk to you then.'

She hesitated then stood and followed him out the corridor. 'What do you want?' She asked coldly.

'I'm sorry about before, I should have known better,' He looked up at her. She was looking a way from him down the dark corridor. 'Lily..' He hesitated, 'Look I like you. I don't know why or how I just do. _That is a lie you know exactly why. _I'm sorry for being an immature brat. I've never felt anything like this before; I think I'm falling for you Lily.'

She was looking at him now, her eyes wide with surprise. She didn't speak at first. She didn't know how to take him. After a few moments of deliberating him her face changed. 'What ever James.' She started walking back to the portrait door.

'Lily' He called after her. 'Please tell me what you think of me.' He called her once more before she stopped.

'What I think of you is plain simple. You're a sleazebag that I can't even bother with. I dislike you with a passion that aches.'

'A love passion?' James asked hopefully.

'Your pathetic.' She ignored the rest of his calls and walked back to find her friends in the common room.


	5. Ache

**Ache**

**Chapter Four**

Three Months Later

Lily walked into the common room with a pile of books from the library. She laid them down on one of the table's by the Gryffindor windows and took a seat. She gazed outside at the nice sunny day and reluctantly lifted her quill.

'Good evening Lily'.

Lily turned and smiled towards Remus. 'How are you?'

'Fine, thank you and yourself?'

'Yeah, great actually.' She smiled pleasantly

'Haven't seen you around much lately.'

'Probably because Potter has stopped pranking me.'

Remus smiled. 'Ahh, yes he has. James has been settling down quiet a bit. Sirius on the other hand hasn't changed the slightest. Why are you still coped up in here Lily. It's a perfect day outside.' Lily still held her pleasant smile and opened one of the books.

'Studying.'

Remus nodded. 'Well I'll talk to you later then.' He walked over to his group of friends. Lily watched as he took a seat next to Peter. James and Sirius were seated towards the middle of the booth, both with a couple of girls between them. James held one arm around Sarah Whyte's shoulder. She kissed him affectionately on the cheek. Lily listened as Sirius told them to get a room. James stood with a cheeky grin on his face. Sirius pulled him back down laughing. 'This would have to be the longest relationship I've seen you in Prongs. A month!' James chuckled and nudged him. He looked around the room and met Lily's eyes. She looked down to her books and felt his eyes leave her.

There group headed out the common room a few minutes later. Lily didn't look up again, she still despised him. Even if he had changed a little over the last few months. _He had settled down, I'll admit to that. But his still the same arrogant reckless twit._

Twenty minutes later Lily found herself closing up her books and heading outside to her group of friends by the lake. Victoria was pleased to see her out in the sunshine. Lily's life seemed so perfect at the moment. Assignments, lessons, sleep, she even took up another lesson to give her higher marks. Every thing was falling into place.

James and Sarah were linking arms in the distance. Lily watched them for a minute. _Even he was falling into place_. They hadn't spoken since the night of there argument. He hasn't even tried to prank her. _Maybe something went through his thick head after all_. Lily continued to watch them. James was throwing a pebble into the lake and laughing at a joke she had told him. _He doesn't look like his playing girls anymore. He looks like his, and I don't like to admit it, but he seems more mature. All the same I still dislike him._

_

James watched his pebble skid across the waters surface. Sarah took a seat on the grass. He looked across the lake and saw Lily. He turned away from her remembering seeing her back in the common room. He didn't mean to gaze her way but somehow his eyes always found her. He couldn't stand seeing her alone studying, what with having her hair messily tied up into a bun. The rich red curls falling gracefully around her face. He sighed. She was one of the main reasons he decided to leave the common room, to rid her from his thoughts. He didn't glance back across the lake again.

_

Dumbledore had the head students and prefects on extra patrolling hours within the next few days. Lily took to patrolling the upper towers of Gryffindor while James took the lower corridors. Lily was glaring outside one of the large open windows in her designated tower searching for anything suspicious or strange. Dumbledore had been very secretive lately and she really wanted to know what was going on. James came up her corridor; she turned at the sound and noticed him. He smiled at her. She blinked. This would have to be the first intended interaction they've shared in three months. Hesitantly she smiled back. She didn't know why but his smile seemed so sweet and sincere.

'Would you like to go on a quick break with me? We have another hour or so, so I reckon a glass of water would do us well.'

She nodded and followed him down the corridor and into the portrait hole. Inside, the fire was still lit. James had already poured two glasses and handed her one of them. She thanked him and took a seat on a couch facing closest to the fire place. James took a seat beside her. 'Anything out of the unusual?' He asked her

'huh?'

'Patrolling. Did you find anything unusual?' _Start with small talk; she mightn't chew your head off so soon._

'Oh, no I didn't, did you?' She took a small sip and gazed into the flames of the fire.

'No. So how have you been?' James asked politely.

She could feel his eyes on her. 'I'm good, and you?'

'Yeah good.' His eyes left her and settled onto one of the many framed paintings on the walls.

She finished her drink and stood. 'Well I better get back to patrolling.'

'Lily,' James reached out and grasped her wrist standing. Lily spun round in reaction. The sudden closeness overwhelmed her. She looked up at him feeling his warm breath on her, his eyes glowing from the fire.

'Yes... ' She breathed, her body trembling. She could still feel his grasp around her wrist. He didn't answer straight away. The rise and fall of his chest was the only movement between them. Lily now uncomfortable with the silence took a step away from him, her body easing. He watched her as she put her glass down and finally managed to put some words together.

'I wanted to thank you for your help with the Charms exam. With out your help three quarters of my parchment would have been blank.' He tried looking away from her. _Remember my feelings for Lily are unfair on Sarah_.

'Oh, that's alright.' The silence continued. 'I watched your last Quidditch practice.'

He smiled at the memory. 'Yeah I know.' He had seen her from the air and almost fell off his broom when I bludger got him from behind.

'The girls wanted to watch so I thought I would join them, give some patriotism to my team. You were brilliant.'

'Thank you. I err, noticed you've been studying every chance you get. But that's pretty normal for you Evans.' _Keep it simple._

'Back to surnames aye Potter. Are you going to start pranking me again?'

'No.' He replied simply. Lily looked at him. She believed him. This was the first time he had said something that she had taken in without questioning it. 'You've changed a bit.' She told him, 'Only a bit.'

He laughed. 'You haven't.

'Yeah, well. How's Sarah going?'

The sound of his girlfriends name from lily's mouth brought him back into reality. Lily Evans, the girl he had liked for so long standing and willing to talk with him and Sarah Whyte who he was with and who he was deceiving with his feelings for Lily. He shook the thought of Lily. _Sarah is the one I have feelings for now, the only one. Lily doesn't even like you. You're an arrogant sleaze bag, remember. _' yeah, we're great.'

'It's good to see.'

'and you? Are you secretly seeing anyone?'

'No'

He smiled. 'Not even the giant squid?'

She laughed. 'Don't worry I'd rather be with you then the giant squid any day no matter how intolerable you would be.' _Maybe I should take that back?_

'Don't give me a big head.'

'You already have one.'

He nudged her 'Take that back. She giggled. _He is being quite tolerable at the moment_. 'Nope.' He pushed her onto the couch and threw a cushion at her. She laughed and caught it.

'Your being nice Evans. You know I think you've lost your touch.' _Might of said too much..._

'Well Potter,' she said standing, 'Maybe that's because you've stopped being an idiot and started to grow up.' She brushed herself off and checked the time. 'We better get back to patrolling.'

Lily walked back to the window she was last at and watched James disappear down the corridor. She could still feel his heat on her skin. For some odd reason, which she'd never want to admit to was that she enjoyed that short time with James and didn't want to leave so soon. Noises from further down the corridor interrupted her thoughts. A few seconds later Professor McGonagall and James appeared around the corridor.

'Professor Dumbledore wishes for you and Mr. Potter to report to him in his office immediately.' Without another word she led them down the dark corridors towards the headmaster's office. A few moments later Lily and James took a seat in front of Dumbledore's desk. Dumbledore swiftly closed the door behind them and glared at them through his half moon spectacles.

'I've brought you both here to tell you some grave news. Lord Voldemort has killed numerous wizarding families as of late. The death eaters are increases in numbers and our side is finding it rather hard with the odds.'

'We need to stop this!'

'We are Miss Evans. We are trying our utmost best. Doing everything in a power our side can. I need to speak to you alone, James would you kindly leave us for a moment.' James nodded and left the room.

'What is it professor?'

'Lily, you must understand this, lord Voldemort is not a kind man. He will go to any length to get what he wants. What I'm about to tell you is something you have to promise you will not in any state give revenge of what so ever. Please Lily understand this.'

'What are you saying Professor?' Lily asked alarmed.

'There have been direct attacks on wizarding homes. Your godparents Mr. and Mrs. Finley have been victims on one of the latest.'

'Oh my.'

'Lily, your parents, they were visiting at the time. The Death eaters show no mercy-' Lily stood up her face cold and frozen, then unexpectedly she ran out of Dumbledore's oak doors, her face streaming with tears. James shocked went to stop her. She shrugged him off and ran towards the stairs. James went to follow after her. But Dumbledore called him in. Reluctantly James walked in and opened his mouth.

Dumbledore held his hand up to stop him. 'Please Look after her.'

'What happened?'

'She will let you know if she wishes to discuss it.' James left the room and ran towards the stairs. Lily was already far from the office. He headed towards the Gryffindor tower hoping she had headed in that direction. Soon enough he heard her crying down one of the many dark corridors along the way.

'Lily...' He said lightly. She hid her head in her arms. 'What happened?' He held her arms and took them away from her face. Tears filled her eyes. 'Lily?' He whispered. She collapsed into his arms. He held her tight and let her cry into his cloak. He ran a hand through her hair, comforting her as her cries became quieter. She let him go an hour later, wiping her face. He put his cloak around her shoulders and brushed her hair from her face. She hiccupped. 'I'll take you to bed.' She shook her head. 'What did you want to do?' She shrugged, tears starting up again.

'James.' She hiccupped.

He looked down at her; she had her eyes closed with new tears creeping there way out. He took her back into his arms. 'Yes lily'. She didn't say anything else. Not until she had calmed down from another rise of uncontrollable weeping. He could feel the rise and fall of her chest slow down. Just as he thought she had fallen asleep she spoke in such a small voice James found it hard to hear.

'They killed my parents.' James released her to arms length. 'The Death Eaters murdered them.'

'Lily...', He grabbed her into another tight hug. They stayed in that position for at least another hour as Lily cried and whispered incoherent words. James let her be, stroking her every now and then, knowing he would have been distraught himself if his parents had been murdered. The thoughts back when lily tutored him came in his mind and he remembered her talking about her parents. He had almost drawn tears himself. _Lily did not deserve such thing. No one does. This was not there fight; this was not even there world. Muggles dying for the price of what, power. What a worthless death for incredible caring beings._

Lily's cries were swallowed. James picked her up carefully and took her back to the common room. There he took her to her dormitory, after countless spells onto the girl's staircase to let him through. He wrapped her blankets around her with his own cloak still upon her. He left and sat in the deserted common room. It wasn't until the sun started creeping through the windows that he realized it was early morning. He made his way to his own dormitory and laid across his bed thinking of her loss.


	6. A New Beginning

**A New Beginning**

**Chapter Five**

_The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting  
Could it be that we have been this way before  
I know you don't think that I am trying  
I know you're wearing thin down to the core_

_-Second Hand Serenade 'fall for you'_

. 'Come on Lil's, wake up. You'll have a late start; we don't want that now do we.' Victoria called grabbing her school books together.

Lily opened her eyes. The sun had filled the room already, she clenched her eye lids closed again in pain. Then all at once she felt the pain of loss in her heart. She rolled onto her side facing away from the window. She laid her eyes on her bedside table where a silver necklace shined on top of her clean robes. Lily scrunched her eyes shut, a tear making its way down her cheek. It was a birthday gift from her parents earlier this year. Victoria grabbed her bag and looked towards lily's figure. 'You coming?'

'Meet you there'. Lily managed to say with enthusiasm. Victoria left the room, leaving Lily to herself, more tears streamed down her face.

_

James sat in the common room with Remus. His eyes flickered over to the girl's dormitory entrance every five seconds hoping to see Lily. After Victoria came out and the rest of the students left the common room for class he realized she would not come. He went to make his way up the stairs but Sarah grabbed his arm and kissed his forehead. Even if he did go up there now what could he do? _Would she even want my comfort?_

It was halfway through the day when Lily climbed out of bed. The day had changed, the glistening sun was now replaced by dark grey shadows and heavy ran. Lily changed into her robes and slung a Gryffindor scarf around her neck. She contemplated where she was heading and found herself outside Dumbledore's office. He welcomed her in and offered her some toffees.

'No sir.' Her voice was off. She could feel tears brewing ready to fall from her emerald eyes. Dumbledore stood and walked towards his large wall sized window. He watched the rain trickle down the glass and spoke.

'I am deeply sorry lily.' He paused and turned to her 'Voldemort is becoming more powerful everyday.' Lily's heart beat hard at the name, the man who was behind the source of her parent's death.

'But they were muggles'. She trembled.

'And that is precisely why Voldemort and his followers have no mercy. Your sister is well though. She is staying with your grandparents at the moment.' The tears swelled in her eyes and she looked away from her headmaster. 'Is there anything I can do for you?'

She crossed her head. 'No. I came here because I felt like I had to.'

'I'm here if you need me Miss Evans. But remember to be strong. I don't expect you to be up and running for the next few days but please, try my dear. You're a brilliant student, how will Gryffindor be doing without the amount of points you win in class for them.' Lily gave him a small smile.

'Thank you sir.' She made her way out and headed for the Great hall to grab something to eat. It was full of students, she hurried to the Gryffindor table eager to leave it. She picked up a bun from the end of the table.

_

James watched the magical ceiling as a lightning bolt struck through the dark over powering clouds. Sirius threw a chip at his face and gave a cheesy smile.

'A little quiet eh.' James picked at the lettuce on his plate.

'What's wrong James?' Sarah asked resting her hand on his.

'Nothing.' He lied. At that moment he noticed Lily at the end of the table. She picked up a bun and walked straight out. James stood picking up two more buns.

'Where you going James?' Sarah questioned at his sudden movement.

'Going to help a friend.' He walked quickly towards the Entrance hall. He stopped when inside uncertain in which direction she would of taken. The large oak doors were slightly ajar. He walked towards them and peered out at the rain outside. _She wouldn't have, would she?_ He ran out into the rain and found a cloaked figure by the lake. 'Lily!' He called out. She looked around. 'Lily what are you doing? You'll get sick out here.' She turned away from him hiding her face. He took his cloak off and wrapped it over her.

'Don't be stupid. You'll get a cold.' She tried to thrust his cloak off but he kept it there. 'What are you doing here?'

'I came to check on you. I got you two more buns as well.' He held them out for her. She didn't move. 'One bun isn't going to fill you Lily.' She glanced up at him for a second and then away again. 'Please come inside.' She crossed her head. 'This is the wrong way to react.'

'and what's the right way to react!' She yelled. 'Have you just lost your parents. Have you got a home to go to? No, you don't have a clue how I'm feeling or what it's like so don't tell me how to and how not to react.' She spat crying.

He took a seat next to her on the wet grass. 'No I guess I don't. But I know what it's like not eating much, a cold and not going to classes is. Don't throw your pain out like this Lily, and don't block out the people trying to help you. I may not understand, but I still want to help you.' He looked at her. She was whimpering in her arms, the sight of Lily so distraught made him angry. He clenched his teeth and spoke with a steady voice 'I am here for you lily.'

She looked over at him holding her tears. The rain made his hair flat, he held an arm out for her, she accepted it and clenched his firm shoulders in a tight hold. He spoke after another minute of her loud sobs. 'Any problems you have Lily, I'll be here right beside you.' He heard her breath in steady, and took this moment of silence to move her inside. 'You should go to class. Lunch would have ended awhile ago.'

She shifted a little in his arms. 'I... don't think I can face going to class just yet'.

'Then go to your room.' He stood and held a hand out to her. She Hesitated, but took his hand and let him lead her to the Gryffindor Common room. 'Go for a nice warm bath.' He said as they pulled off there wet cloaks.

'Thank you James. You better get to class or you'll lose points from Gryffindor.'

He laughed. 'Take care Lily.' She nodded. 'I'll be checking on you later this afternoon.' Before she replied he added 'I'm going to make sure your okay through this.' He left. She watched the portrait hole close behind him.

'Thanks James' She whispered and walked towards the girl's dormitory.

James walked into his potions class and took a seat by Sirius.

'Jeez what took you so long Prongs?' He searched James for answers. 'You're all wet.'

James shrugged. 'Helping a friend.' James saw Sarah turn in her seat and gave him a concerned look. He smiled at her knowing he'd have to give some answers.

_

Lily walked out of her dormitory in the afternoon. Everyone was in the great hall having dinner. After a long deliberation of thoughts lily decided to go down and join them.

'Lily.' Victoria called from her group of friends. She made her way to them and took a seat. 'Where were you today? I was worried sick! James said you had things to deal with.'

'Yeah, I did. But I'm better now'. She lied giving a small smile. The others filled her in with the new gossip of the day. Lily just smiled, it was hard to sit there and pretend everything was fine, but it would have been much worse if everyone knew about her parents and stared at her with concerns and sympathy. It was better to feel it and live normal with the others then it was to feel it as well as them treating her in any special way because of it. She could only bare the thought that James knew. The least likely human being on planet she would have ever confided in. She searched down the table and found him. He was smiling at her, that famous lop sided grin that made him look three years younger. She returned it_. He had changed, everything about him had. He was so sweet now, so caring._ He turned away and started talking to Sarah. _He wasn't womanizing anymore either. He seems to really like her. Look at the way he looks at her._ He started laughing as Sarah made a joke. _There so happy._ Lily turned back to her friends.

Later that night Lily walked into the common room after breaking up a few fights between Slytherin and Ravenclaw in the hallway. Victoria and a few others were studying in the back booths. 'Hey,' she said walking up to them. 'Do you know where James is?'

'Yeah, his got detention. He arrived to potions late. It was pretty funny. He walks in wet and Professor Hern ask him where his been, then James reply's 'out'. The teacher chucked a spasm.' One of the girls said beaming. The others giggled.

'I was surprised he didn't take him to the headmaster. Sarah was so worried.' Christina, a blonde haired girl added.

'I bet she was.' Lily replied feeling rather guilty. She smiled at them all and said her goodbyes and left for her dormitory.

_

'_No. Mum, Dad!' lily ran into her house. The door was off its hedges. She ran into the lounge room. The furniture was everywhere. She ran up the stairs, passing her room and Petunia's until she came to the end of the hall, staring at the door that belonged to her parents' room. She opened it, afraid of what she'd find inside. It creaked open and all at once green flashes erupted. The sounds of a baby crying were lingering around the room with a distant but thrilling laugh from a man. Lily searched the empty room. 'Mum? Dad?' She screamed. The man laughing stopped. But the child cries were still wailing around the room. Lily confused, tears flowing crazy down her face paced the room alert. 'Who's there? Who's baby? Where are you? Mum, dad!' The baby cry's ended and the room was now full of silence. Green flashes crept across the room, lily screamed…_ awakening.

She looked around the dormitory panting. Victoria and Melanie entered. 'Hey Lil's. What's up? You look like you've seen a ghost.'

Lily shook her head, grasping onto what had just happened. 'Just a nightmare.' She looked around the room once more, her heart decreasing into a normal beat. 'Is there many students down stairs?'

'Not too many. James is back now.' Lily got out of bed and thanked them and made her way to the Common room. She found James sitting with Sirius in front of the fire. A couple of seventh years were studying with younger years in a corner and a girl was reading by one of the large windows. James looked up noticing Lily. He stood and walked over to her. Sirius stood as well and yawned.

'I'm off to bed. See you kiddo's later.' He waved and walked towards the boy's dormitories.

Lily turned to face James. 'Hey' she smiled.

'How you going?' He asked leading her towards the couch in front of the fire.

'All right. I heard about your detention. I am so sorry-'

'It's alright Lily.' James said. 'Take a seat.' She sat, angling herself to face him.

'It's my fault you got that detention.'

'No it's not. It was my choice to go after you and stay. So let's forget you know about it. So, are you starting classes tomorrow?' Lily went to argue, but James held a hand up to stop her. 'Did you get more then just a bun to eat at dinner?

'Yes I did.' Lily answered, feeling like a child.

'Good. It was different in Charms today. There were no know-it-alls sitting there answering every question Professor Flitwick asked.'

'Aye!' Lily said insulted. She kicked his shin.

'Oi. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. We get a lot of house points from you.'

'Compliment or not, I'm not a know-it-all. Mister'

'No you're a geek.' James gave a big grin as Lily evil eyed him. 'I missed your facial comebacks.'

Her face went blank. She looked at him closely, taking in his sincere expression. His hazel eyes dazed her, His grin cheeky enough to melt to. Lily looked away shocked in herself. _Potter, dazzling! Oh god._' You really have changed.' She managed to say. 'A lot'.

'Is that a good thing?' He asked.

'I believe it is.'

'Lily Evans giving me a compliment, Wow, I guess we both are even tonight.'

She smiled and looked back to him standing. 'Thank you.'

'For what?' He asked puzzled standing with her.

'Everything you have done for me in the last day. Without your help of making me smile I'd probably be in the hospital wing sick with a cold and a whole lot of other symptoms.'

'No problems. I'll be your guardian knight until your up and running again. Oh, we have new assignments for Transfiguration.' _Adding anything to keep her here, a little pathetic eh_

'Really. What's it about.' She asked interested.

'I'm not sure actually.' _To tell the truth or to not… '_I was too preoccupied on whether you'd be okay or not. _Now that sounded too corny._

'That's, sweet.' Lily said feeling a rush of tingles run through her. _It's Potter, remember._

'Err, best get some sleep, it's late. Will I be seeing you in classes tomorrow?'

'I'm not sure. I think so.' She looked towards her feet, her thoughts confusing her. _How is he making me feel this way? It's just because I'm vulnerable. That must be it. I don't want to leave yet… _James lifted her chin. Lily surprised with how unaware she was of this movement towards her. She blushed a light pink warming in her cheeks at the closeness of him. She shook the recurring thoughts that now coursed through her. _You don't want this feeling. This isn't you; you'd never want to be in his arms… never wanted to breathe in his scent._

'Lily' He said softly. She looked into his eyes, her heart pounding. 'What ever you decide, I'll help you either way.' His smile and calmed words soothed her. She felt herself slip in her thoughts under his warmth. She wanted him, his touch, his skin.

She pulled away and inhaled a breath. He puzzled at her. 'Are you okay?' _She thinks I'm trying to get with her again. I shouldn't have gotten so close…_

She looked back down towards her feet. _Am I? Of course I'm not, but he had cleared my pain for those few moments._

'Yeah, sorry. I just remembered, I was meant to meet Victoria ten minutes ago.' She lied, hiding her dramatic break away. 'Night.' She practically ran towards the dormitory stairs. The further from him the more her heart settled. She shook her head when out of sight. Astounded in herself and her body's reaction towards him.


	7. Heart

**Heart**

**Chapter Six**

But hold your breathe  
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind  
Or I wont live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
Your impossible to find

-Second hand serenade 'fall for you'

Lily stepped into her first class of the morning, Charms. She took a seat by Victoria. 'You made it'. She said beaming. Lily nodded taking her Charms books out of her bag. She stole a glace at James group and caught his eye. He gave her a smile and mouthed hello. The teacher walked in and started the lesson. Lily took out her favorite flower scented quill. Her mother had chosen this quill with her when she came into Diagon Alley in her sixth year. Her mother couldn't stop awing about the place. Lily dropped the quill watching as it swayed gently to the floor and lightly hit the solid ground. She stared at it, horror in her eyes. Did she fall as slowly as a frail feather? She leant down to it and picked it up carefully as if it would break at any moment. _If only I could pick you up like this mum_. She placed the quill onto her desk, vivid images of her mother's body lying on the ground made her tremble.

'Miss Evans. For the third time please stand up!' Lily looked towards Professor Flitwick. 'I'm terribly sorry Professor.' She told him standing.

'Please come forward and assist us with a demonstration.' She followed his direction to the front. He turned to the rest of the class. 'Can I have a volunteer?'

'Me, me'. Peter piped standing.

'Sit down Wormtail, you'll end up turning Miss Evans into a pie and then attempt to eat her.' The class roared in laughter.

'For that Mr. Potter you can join Evans.' James got to his feet and passed Peter who slumped back into his chair looking a little disgruntle. 'You are going to be performing a truth spell on each other.'

'And how? Don't we already have Veritaserum potion for that?'

'Yes.' Replied Lily. 'But there's also a spell. It's not as good as the potion, it only lasts a couple of minutes and isn't nearly as strong. It's actually quite easy to resist.'

'Good Miss Evans. Ten points for Gryffindor. Alright, now both raise your wands and repeat 'Rusturas.' James and Lily did as told. 'Now swish clockwise and flick twice as you pronounce the word.' They followed his instructions and two pink flashes irrupted from there wands. Flitwick smiled at their success. 'Now ask each other a question.'

James looked at lily. 'Err, hello.'

'That's not a question James. Are you okay?'

'Yes I am. I just hope you are, are you?' He asked stepping forward an inch.

'No.' She replied looking down. 'I'm just about to walk out of here and start crying. I keep imagining there bodies, lying there, still, dead.' A tear started down her face. James looked between her and Professor Flitwick.

'Professor I think-'

'Yes, please escort her outside for a couple of minutes till it wares off.' James didn't hesitant and took lily out of the classroom to a deserted corridor.

Lily leaned against the stone wall and gaped. 'I… I almost told them all. I couldn't stop myself.' James looked at her, her eyes were wide open.

'It's okay Lily. No one knows.' He stood beside her. Her eyes went back to normal and she started to pace. After a minute she stopped and held herself. James watched her slightly fascinated with her restlessness.

'I'm cold.' She blurted. He took off his cloak and held it out for her. 'No thank you. It'll have your scent on it.'

He looked at her Confused. 'What's wrong with my scent?' He asked slightly defensive. _How could she hate me still_?

Lily noticed the tone in his voice. 'There's nothing wrong with it. That is the problem.' She started pacing again.

'What do you mean?' He asked this time with great interest. She paused and turned towards him. He waited for her to speak.

'James... ' She said and then paused again.

'Come on Lily, what's the problem' He asked a little frustrated for the answer.

She looked at him and spoke quietly. 'The problem is breathing in your scent. I am all over the place right now and the last thing I need is to fall for your scent.' She drawled the last few words. 'To smell your deep cologne, it's… I don't want to ache for your cologne. I don't want to ache for your scent Potter.'

'Oh…' He said a little smile hidden behind his closed lips. 'These truth spells really work eh. Can I ask you a question?'

'What?' She said leaning against the wall once again, trying to think straight.

'Do you still hate me?'

She looked at him surprised. 'I never hated you. You were just annoying, selfish, and arrogant, whatever up yourself words you name it. You drove me crazy. But I don't think you're like that any more. You've changed.' She searched his face. 'You're different…' She took a breath, her mind starting to clear. 'James, why did you ask me out earlier this year?'

He looked her in the eye and tried to control the words performing in his mouth. _I love you, always, I love you. _'You don't want to know.' He managed hiding the other truth.

'Yes I would.' She looked deep in his eyes, trying to find an answer in them. He hesitated. 'I'. He waited a moment hoping the spell was wearing off quick. 'It's because I.' He swallowed as the words forced through his lips 'loved you'. He took a deep breath and leaned off the wall. 'Your smile, your laugh, they were rare, but when I saw them my world lit up.' He paused worried about how she was reacting behind him. _I shouldn't say this. _He started pacing but the words found there way out. 'Hearing your voice, watching you walk across the room so gracefully. Your eyes would always keep me into a mystery. I wanted to stop you studying every night so I could hold you in my arms and feel your warmth. I wanted to look into your eyes for once and know you were looking into my eyes, to know who I really am. But you always seemed to hate me. I tried to prank you so I could be with you. But everything I did you hated me more.' James didn't dare turn to face lily now. He took another breath and continued. 'That day I first saw you I just had to walk up to you to introduce myself. You took me by surprise. I never knew any one could grasp at me the way you did that day. But when I went to you, I tripped and you started to laugh at me. I lost my dignity. I just had to prove I wasn't some idiot tripping before you.' He sighed. He couldn't hear any movement behind him. 'I tried once again to get you to like me but you told me you'd rather date the giant squid.' He gave a small laugh at the memory, 'and the time after that you told me you never wanted to see me again. So I let you be and you were happy.' _Then and there I knew I had left anything I wanted go. '_I wanted you happy. So I let you be.' He stopped. The truth spell had worn off already. Unsure whether or not he wanted to turn to see lily he tucked his hands in his cloak pockets.

'I'm sorry… 'Her weak voice came.

He turned around at her vulnerability. She was leaning half way down the wall, her eyes on him. 'Don't be', he whispered looking a way from her.

She watched him curiously. She could see who he really was now. It might be seven years later, but she had come across the James he wanted her to see. 'You loved me?' She asked softly.

He nodded still looking away. 'Yes' _I still do. But do I? I care for you with out a doubt. But I am with Sarah now. My loyalty is to her. _He turned and leaned down beside her. They shared a moment gazing into each others eyes before James put his hand out. 'Would you like to go back into the class now?'

She took awhile to answer. Worried about how her peers would react to her. 'I guess I'd better. But what am I going to say to everyone?'

James thought for a moment. 'We'll tell them you were talking about a horror movie, one of those things you muggles have, a telebivin Isn't it? Say we were talking about it last night and you couldn't get it out of your head?'

She smiled taking his hand. 'Perfect'. They walked back into the classroom and resumed to their groups. The teacher had carried on with the lesson about the truth spell. Lily could hear Sarah asking James what was wrong. She heard him reply 'nothing babe'. The word 'babe' emphasized two times stronger in her head. _That hurt._ Lily's mind raced. He liked Sarah and has for three months straight. Now, finally Lily had found a nice and caring James who lived under the bullying toe rag James and now she had found this, he had moved on. She looked out the nearest window, his words replaying in her mind and the pain of hearing him calling another with affection, his girlfriend. Lily filled herself with anger and shame. _It can't be true._ She mentally shook herself. _It can't be…_

_

Lily stayed up in her dormitory all night, and the night after that. She'd strictly be doing homework and study so she couldn't think of anything else. Because when she did she would break down and cry. She couldn't handle the shrill cries of the laughter and the image of her lifeless parents.

'Lily' she looked up from her corner of the common room. James made his way to her. She closed her Herbology homework and smiled at him. 'Would you like to go for a walk?'

'I can't I've got to-'

'-You've been studying none stop. Remember what I said about blocking things out.' He took her Herbology book from her. 'Come on. You deserve it.' He brought her out the portrait hole and led them down the tower to the oak doors.

'Where are we going?' She asked curiously.

'Getting some air.' He gave her a grin and ran off into the night. 'Come on Lily.'

'James, I' He ran back towards her picking her up in one swoop, spinning her around. She gave a little squeal. He landed her and gave her a small pinch. 'Ouch!'

'What are you going to do about it?' He ran into the darkness. Lily ran after him laughing. He chucked a pile of grass at her from her left. She stopped brushing if off her and ran in his direction.

'You're going down!' She found his outline in the moons glow and headed straight for it. He stood there grinning.

'Now what are you going to do Evans?' She put her foot out and attempted to trip him. He couldn't help but laugh. 'Shocking'. He lifted her and spun her around once more. She let out a gasp of surprise. After the second spin she regained her coordination and put all her weight onto his upper half, bending his back to her advantage. A moment later he stepped back to gain some stability but collapsed backwards. She fell flat on top of him laughing with accomplishment. 'That was just luck. You took me by surprise.'

'Yeah right.'

He looked up at her. She had fallen directly above him. _Don't do anything stupid_. He brushed her hair behind her ear with his hand and her heart started to increase. 'Sorry'. She said.

'Why's that? I would have done the same to you if I were provoked.' She rolled off and laid beside him, looking up at the stars.

'It's beautiful out here.' she sighed.

'hmm' he murmured, watching her close her eyes. 'It is.'

'Thank you for bringing me out here. It was a good idea.' She opened her eyes again and turned on her side to look at him. 'You're a great guy. Sarah's very lucky.'

He held off saying anything smart or sarcastic. 'Well you know.' He posed leaning on his arm. 'Nah' He laughed. 'Nothing special. I mean you rejected me.'

'But you were an idiot then.'

'What about now?' He asked. A little too eager then he should have been.

'I don't know,' she giggled 'you're still an idiot.' He laughed with her and checked his watch for the time.

'We better be off, we have some head patrol to do.' They both stood up and started there way back up to the oak doors of the castle.

'Thanks James, for helping me and keeping me happy. I appreciate it.'


	8. Hidden

**Hidden**

**Chapter Seven**

This is not what I intended  
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart  
You always thought that I was stronger  
I may of failed  
But I have loved you from the start

-Second hand serenade 'fall for you'

_Lily found James sitting by a large oak tree watching the lake. She stood motionless taking in his handsome beauty in the sun kissed light. Without another thought she ran towards him. 'James.' He looked up, caught in a daze and found her running towards him. He stood, a hand rising to his hair, ruffling his fingers through it, messing it about._

'_Lily, what are you doing here? Are you okay?' _

_She reached him and took in a gasp of breath before replying. Then she looked into his hazel eyes. 'I'm fine. I have to tell you something.' He searched her, watching as she looked around in a panic. 'I have to go.'_

'_Huh? You just got here?' He puzzled at her panicked state. She looked around herself nervously and then back at him. _

'_I love you'._

_He laughed. 'No you don't. You can't love me Lily.' He took a step closer, closing the space between them. 'You like me as a friend, that's all. You're just trying to make me feel better because I am in love with you. Thank you, but I know you don't really feel that way.'_

'_You don't love me. You love Sarah.' She raised her voice defiantly. 'Okay maybe it's not love. But I keep thinking of you. I want you.'_

_He held her cheek in his palm and smiled, sending several of her muscles to tense in delight. 'Maybe it's just a faze, or you have a little crush. Nothing more then that.' Lily shook her head, but James just continued smiling, that hearty laugh smile. 'Open your eyes Lily.' _

_She looked at him confused. 'They are open?' Wasn't that obvious?_

'_Open them properly'._

Lily opened her eyes and jumped. Christina yawned beside her, a handful of robes in her arms. 'I was just about to wake you.'

Lily rubbed her eyes and took in her surroundings. 'Morning.' She dressed and followed the girls into the Great hall for breakfast. Lily's heart fluttered as she spotted James and Sarah hand in hand, talking fast. Lily caught some of the words that she was saying as they passed.

'Why were you out there at night with-'

Lily flushed as they looked at her. She put her head down and kept on walking slightly ashamed. If it hadn't of been for James helping her, he wouldn't be in a fight with his girlfriend now. _And what was with that dream!?_

____

The next day Lily took a seat in the library and opened a book. James walked in after her and took a seat beside her. 'Hello.' She said facing him. 'What's going on?'

'Dumbledore wanted the head of houses to patrol nightly shifts again.'

'Oh okay. When did you hear this?' _and why haven't I yet?_

'There was a meeting at lunch.' Lily's face lit scarlet. James who knew Lily well added, 'Dumbledore didn't think you'd be up for it. So tonight at nine we meet in the common room?'

He watched as her facials changed, an obvious fight for calmness brewing over. 'Sure' she replied adding a controlled smile on the end.

He smiled back, standing 'Cya later then.' He left as Victoria entered. She took James seat and looked lily straight in the eyes with a what-are-you-doing face.

'Yes'. Lily asked her friend curious of this sudden eruption.

'What are you doing having a private meeting with James?'

_Yes, defiantly a what-are-you-doing._ 'I'm not having secret meetings?' _What the ruddy hell?_

'Sarah's really upset in the common room. She was telling us James has been going for walks and having little meetings while classes are going on. Then I come to find you and see this. Lily, don't get yourself into this…'

Lily taken aback scowled at her friend. 'James came here to deliver a message from Dumbledore and his been helping me out. I've had problems lately and James has been the only one that's been able to help!'

'What problems?' Victoria asked baffled.

'I wish not to repeat it.' Lily pouted.

Victoria stared at her friend. 'And why not?'

'Because it hurts, I'm trying to be strong and happy, and the more who knows the less I can keep it hidden in my little locket.'

Victoria wasn't giving in so easily. 'I'm your best friend. Let me help you move on through this.'

'I am NOT moving on. I'll never move on. It's not something I'm going to leave behind.' Lily said angrily standing. 'I'm sorry.' She walked away to the dormitory. She entered still feeling angry and annoyed. She walked in towards a table and noticed Sarah with a group of girls eyeing her off. Sarah had tears down her face. Lily feeling the biggest guilt walked towards them. Before she inched two steps in there direction they walked in the opposite direction. Lily who felt so fed up she could scream walked to her dormitory and slammed the door shut flinging herself onto her bed. She started crying, images running through her mind. She grasped her pillow tighter trying to rid her parent's bodies and angry faces out of her head.

Soon enough it was nine o-clocks. She walked down into the common room and found James sitting by the fire. He noticed her and stood. 'Lily'. He started, looking pretty pissed off himself. 'Don't listen to the rumors.'

'Rumors?' She could feel the pump of blood rush through her. _What rumors?_

'People are going around saying I'm cheating on Sarah with you. Others are saying I can't keep a relationship, and that I move on one to the other-basically the things you use to say to me. Don't get offended by any of it.'

'I'm sorry I have caused this upon you.' She sighed.

'No you didn't, Sarah just got a little carried away and told the whole school I was still in love with you.' Lily's heart stopped. 'Don't worry Lily. I'm not trying to crack onto you again. I just want to be your friend.' Lily's heart went back to normal. _Why the flutters? _She was glad how things have turned out. But somewhere in her heart it didn't. He wasn't in love with her anymore and she had just started liking him. 'You okay Lily'. He asked as she had fallen silent. She looked up at him and nodded. 'I'll take the lower corridors again, while you take the top.'

'Sure'. _How could I fall for someone who is taken by someone else? Sarah has all rights to hate me._

He walked out, she watched him for a moment then followed. The hours went by fast. Lily hadn't seen anything like usual. She stood by the window and watched the grounds. Her eyes pondered to where she and James had laid last night. It crept into her head. She knew she was falling for him. He was only trying to help her and be her friend. She didn't deserve his kindness after everything she had done to him, yet still he took time out of his own life to help her and now it's her fault that all the girls in the dormitory snob him. She turned angrily hitting a solid object.

'Lily!'

She gave a scream as the object came into focus grabbing her. It only took her a moment later to realize it was James. 'James, sorry. I didn't hear you coming.'

'You looked lost in thought.'

'Yeah' she replied, 'I guess I was. You find anything?'

'Yeah, Henry and Chelsea from Hufflepuff making out in a broom cupboard.'

Lily yawned. 'Ready for bed?'

'Hmm,' she sighed 'We've got another hour to patrol.'

'I'll take over both corridors if you'd like.'

She crossed her head. 'No. I'm staying.'

'Then come for a break.' He asked. She nodded and they both headed towards the common rooms portrait hole.

'Drink?' he asked as they got inside.

'No thank you'. Lily sat on the couch in front of the fire as James helped himself to a drink. He took off his cloak and took a seat on the ground before lily. 'How are you going?' He asked his voice awkward in every way.

'Better.' She replied after thought. 'And you?'

'I'm fine.'

'And Sarah?'

'Not so good.' It went silent for a few minutes before he spoke again. 'She knew I really liked you. She had asked me out before and I couldn't. She could tell that I wouldn't because of my feelings for you. Everyone knew. Then you told me to get out of your life and in time I accepted it and moved on. That's why she's gone all haywire. She still believes I'm in love with you.'

Lily took in every word and looked over at him. His back glowed from the small fire. 'Did you have a talk with her?'

'Yeah… an unsuccessful one. She is starting to think you like me as well. I told her she was delirious, Lily Evans falling for Potter-impossible. But she still believes it.'

Lily moved next to him, letting the heat of the fire touch the bare of her skin. 'It's not impossible.' She told him.

He laughed. A rush of déjà vu hit her 'You made it quite clear a few months ago.'

'Yeah well. That was then.' She replied. He looked over at her.

'So you don't think I'm a sleazebag anymore? Or a big headed bullying toe rag?

'No. Well maybe a little bit big headed.'

He pushed her. She lost her balance and fell backwards. She sat back up and retaliated, giving him a nudge. The effect did nothing. He still sat there laughing at her. Lily watched him. His face was alit with joy. His beautiful eyes were dazzling. She could feel herself being drawn to him, his broad shoulders a nice place to wrap her arms- 'The fires just about out. Should we start a new one?' She asked hiding a half chocked breath.

'Nah, let it be. We won't be here for long.' Lily leaned on her knees and yawned. 'Go to bed.'

'You gunna make me?' she asked playfully. _Playfully? I am flirting with him. Lily stop this._

He gave a coil smile and sprung up, grabbing her up into his arms. Her reflex was a little off and she lay vulnerable for a few seconds in his arms, before twisting her way out. 'Settle petal.' He said, finally getting a better grip. The fire dimmed out and the common room fell dark, besides the lightly moon lit windows. James stood with Lily in his arms and waited for his eyes to adjust.

'I have a feeling you'll step into something.' Lily told him as he attempted to walk her towards the stairs.

'Yeah so do I.' He replied truthfully, yet the adventurous side came through his voice.

She got a hold of his arms and pushed them down. He, not expecting this sudden movement felt his arms give way. In result she fell with them. He tried to reach out to stop her from hitting the floor, but she had grabbed hold of his elbows, forcing him down with her. They hit the ground with a thud. 'You okay?' He asked after recovering from the floor.

'Not yet.' She sprung towards him reaching for his arms.

'What are you doing?' He asked amused.

'Trying to pin you.'

'Need help?' He laughed.

'No!' She said finding them. She pushed his arms beside him and leant over, having complete control.

'This is kinda kinky Evans.'

'Get your mind out of the gutter Potter.' She flushed, her body tingling with the sight of there position. He laughed, throwing himself over her, pinning her to the floor instead.

'Not very strong are we.' He laughed harder.

'Yeah I am, I just need a breather. Give me a sec' she attempted to get him off balance but failed miserably.

'Told ya.' He smiled.

She could only just see it through the darkness. She leaned her head up towards him and threatened 'I'll head butt you.'

'And what, make a dint on your pretty forehead.' She felt his warm breath on her face. His scent was intoxicating her, welcoming. His hands released around her own, enough for her to move them. She let herself drag them from her sides slightly. He hesitated with his grip, but let her. She put her hands over his and held them against the floor. His body fell an inch closer to her in effect.' Lily' He whispered slowly.

'Hmm… 'She hummed. The closeness between them was melting all thoughts but her desirable ache for him.

'I… have to move.'

'Why?' She asked confused, more dazed than anything.

'Because if I don't. I'll do something I'll terribly regret.'

'Regret.' She repeated in a hushed voice. His head was just inches away, she was well aware his lips were not far from her own. He put his head abruptly beside hers and leaned on her shoulder with a slow breath. _A sigh?_

'You need sleep.' His soft voice against her neck sent chills down her spine. She turned to his neck with out another thought and kissed it lightly. She could feel his pulse quicken under the pressure of her lips. Her heart raced as her lips departed with his warm skin. By the thump of James chest he was too. She let her lips drift up his neck and kissed him once more. The urge to grasp him tight erupted. She held onto her self control and gave him a third kiss on his check. She felt his lips near hers. She could almost feel the soft touch of them graze against the corners of her own.

He turned away, grabbing his hands back. 'I'm sorry for doing that to you Lily.'

Lily inhaled a deep breath, her mind coming back to her. _What was I doing?_ 'You didn't. I did. I don't know why… I'm extremely sorry.'

'No, it was me. You can go to bed if you like; I'll patrol your corridor for you.' He walked out and headed for his corridors. Lily looked into the darkness, angry with herself.


	9. Closure

**Closure**

**Chapter Eight**

But hold your breathe  
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind  
Or I wont live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
your impossible to find  
-Second Hand Serenade

Lily walked into her Care of Magical creature's class with Victoria and Mel. Professor Hatchet gathered the students and led them towards the edge of the forest to see Ridtail snails. Lily barely listened to the chatter around her, her mind was drawing to another place. James had been in every thought she had that night, and stuck in every thought this morning. Her stomach clenched at the guilt she felt for Sarah for kissing her boyfriends neck. For putting him in the position they were mingled in. She had defiantly fallen for him, and there was no doubt in her mind that he had moved on. Last night was proof of that. The so familiar feeling of loss ran through her and she remembered her parents. The thoughts of them gone were stopped last night, when she was in his company. Lily trailed off the thought and watched the odd looking snails glide there way ever so slowly across the grass.

_

James sat in the Quidditch change room with his fellow team mates. They were talking about tactics they could use against the up coming game with Ravenclaw. He excused himself and went out onto the field to breath in some fresh air. He was obviously caught up about last night with Lily._ I had almost kissed her. My feelings haven't changed one ounce. I can't do this to her. She needs a friend. Someone to try and help her and I come along and take advantage of her vulnerability. She doesn't need this and neither does Sarah. I can't do this to her._

_

Lily sat in the common room that afternoon with some of her friends. They were talking about new dress robes that had just come out in Hogsmead. Sarah walked over, with a group of her friends trailing her. Lily looked up at her and gave her a smile. Her friends stopped their conversation and watched as Sarah gave Lily a filthy smile back.

'You can have him now.' She spat sourly.

'Excuse me?' Lily puzzled.

'You can have James now. You don't have to have your little meetings behind my back or your little strolls.'

Lily's face lit scarlet. 'We weren't doing it behind your back Sarah. He was helping me.' She replied coldly, keeping her temper at a minimum.

'With what.' Sarah said coolly, 'Helping your lips to his.' Her group of friends nodded with sour faces.

'No!' Lily said angrily. 'James is not like that.'

'That's funny. You always said he was a player before.'

'He has changed now Sarah.'

'No, he has never changed Lily. He loved you before and he still does now.' Her face shifted a little, a sign of sadness tinting her eyes. 'No one can change that. Not even you.'

Lily looked at her dumb founded and highly irritated. 'He does not. He might of in the past but he doesn't anymore.'

'He dumped me. That's saying something.'

Lily looked at her in shock. James entered the common room with Remus and Sirius by his side. Neither girls noticed there presence.

'You don't need to have any of your secret little meetings anymore.' Sarah continued.

'They weren't secret.' Lily said her temper rising.

'So what did use do? What were the secret meetings about?'

That was it. 'THEY WEREN'T SECRET.' Lily raised her voice in a slight scream.

Sarah ignored her distress and continued her bitterness 'I thought you were a beautiful person, I didn't think you'd-'

'My parents were murdered from death eaters! James was helping me. HAPPY? Is that good enough!' Lily stood, her cheeks flushing crimson that almost shaded the color of her hair. 'James found out and was trying to stop me from hiding in a little hole. I'm sorry if that hurt you.' She had tears trembling down her face. The whole common room had watched the tension between the two. A few of Lily's friends went to comfort her.

Sarah looked down and muttered, 'I'm sorry for you loss.'

Lily wiped her eyes. 'And I'm sorry for yours.' She pulled away from her friends and went up to her dormitory.

_

Lily didn't come out until ten the next morning. Her friends had tried talking to her, but she blew them off. She got out of bed and went for a cool shower. It would have been second period by now. She dressed and walked into her Transfiguration classroom.

'Your late Miss Evans.'

'I am sorry professor McGonagall, I-'

'Please tell me after class. Take a seat.'

Christina gave Lily the seat next to her and professor McGonagall continued the lesson. Lily opened her book and took out her quill. Christina leaned into her to whisper. 'James was worried about you last night. He was in the room while you told her… while you were yelling. He was going to run up after you but Victoria told him to let you be alone. He waited for you in the common room. Thought you'd like to know.'

'Is Sarah alright?' Lily whispered back.

'She feels real bad. They all thought you and he were cheating behind her back.'

'Is she okay with James?' _A little too eager…_

'Dunno?'

'Evans, Moore! You're interrupting my class. Do I need to take points off your houses?' They both crossed there heads. Lily looked over towards James. He was starring out the window. She sighed, looking back at McGonagall and writing notes down.

She met up with Victoria for her next class, Charms. They took seats by the window, for the fresh air. Sarah walked up to there desk. 'Hi.' She said uncomfortably. 'Lily, look. I'm sorry. I got carried away. I knew if I went out with him he'd still have feelings for you. He even warned me. I know he was trying to help and all and that's cool, and don't worry about me getting dumped. I'm fine.' She smiled. 'There's plenty of fish in the sea!'

'Sorry, for asking but, why did he leave you?' Lily asked.

'I guess there's always an ending for everything. But I do know why.'

'What's that?' Victoria asked.

'You can't go out with someone when they love someone else. It hurts to say it but aye-I'm Sarah, I aint gunna get upset over a break up. See this face, I aint gunna ruin it up with tears. I'm over it!' She walked back to her own group of friends and Victoria looked at Lily with a giggle.

'Problems much? I think she's a little insane.'

Professor Flitwick walked into the room and told everyone to take a seat. James took a seat at the back of the room with his comrades. Sirius was in tears of laughter over something. James pushed him and Sirius fell off his chair. James cracked up at the sight of his legs dangling in the air, until Remus told him to settle.

_

Lily stood as her history class ended and walked out into the open air, strolling across the courtyard. The sun was blazing today. She looked up to it, feeling its nice raze of warmth. 'Lily.'

She turned to the familiar voice. 'James.' She replied, the tingles under her skin prickled.

'Can I talk with you for a moment?'

'Sure.'

He took her to the closest seat and sat down beside her. 'I'm sorry about last night. How Sarah had a go at you.'

Lily looked at him wanting to say so many things. _She had all rights to! I have fallen for you, Sarah was right to be suspicious… '_Why did you break up with her? I thought use were great together.' She concluded.

He looked away from her and watched the courtyard. _Choose my words carefully _He thought. 'There was something nagging inside of me. I couldn't keep feeling it.'

'What was it?'

_You._ 'It's personal.' _You don't want to know the truth Lily_. He faced her with his lopsided grin. 'Maybe I'll tell you one day.' _That's if I ever want to lose you…_

'Is it that bad?'

'Depends in which way one looks at it.' _Take you for example-You'd run far away._

He looked away nervously and watched the courtyard once again. Lily watched fascinated. 'You okay?'

'Yeah I am. I'm sorry she had a go at you.'

'I'm glad she did. I was dragging you down not telling them why you were with me. I should be the one apologizing.'

'Nah. I didn't mind.' Lily smiled appreciative. He had changed a lot. He was not the same arrogant selfish boy she once knew.

'So are you going to be a player now?' She asked cheering the mood a bit.

'No.' He replied simply.

Lily shifted in her seat a little. He looked so solemn. Something she wasn't use to with him. 'So you've finally matured aye. I'm proud.'

He laughed. 'Thank you.' He looked over to her, 'What are you doing for the Christmas holidays?'

Lily smiled happily, then reality hit. The color in her face went pale and she looked down, tears starting to well in her eyes. James realized what he had just asked her and felt ashamed with himself. She was stuck at Hogwarts. Her parents wouldn't have much Christmas spirit in coffins under the ground. She shivered. 'Lily, I am so sorry.'

Lily held her tears back. 'It's fine. I just need some adjusting.'

He took her face in his palm. 'That was stupid of me.' She crossed her head. 'No, I knew what happened. I should have thought before I spoke.'

'I didn't think before I remembered. Even?' She gave him a weak smile.

James couldn't watch her so helpless. 'Meet me at the oak doors at eight.'

'We're not allowed in the corridors after curfew.'

'We're head students remember Lily. We'll make up some story of finding some kid down there if we come across someone. I need to make it up to you. No buts okay. Just do it.' She nodded her smile turning back into high spirits.

'Cya then.' He left and she carried on towards the Great Hall for lunch.

__

'Where are you going?' Lily called in the darkness of the night. James led them to the Quidditch stadium. He grabbed two broomsticks out of the locker room and gave Lily one.

'You can fly right?' He asked.

'Of course I can. I'll race you!' They did. James beat her by a quarter of the field. 'That was luck. You gave me the dodgy broom.'

'Yeah right.' James laughed. 'Wanna play tag?'

'That's for kids'.

'Then I'm a kiddo for tonight.' He counted to fifteen. Lily quickly rode away, hiding behind the Gryffindor posts. 'I'll get you easy.' He teased. 'You're like a turtle.'

'Am not.' James flew to the direction of her voice. At the sound of his broom Lily quickly rode off towards the Syltherin posts. James saw her from the corner of his eye and turned swiftly catching up to her in no time.

'I reckon we should change brooms. You jinxed my one. Let's swap.' Lily told him.

'Come on then, jump onto mine.' James pulled up beside her. 'Don't worry, I'll catch you.' She hesitated but carefully leant on the top of her broom, reaching out towards his own with her legs. James swung his broom around so that she could easily drop onto the front of him. When she was secure in place of him, he took Lily's unused broom and dropped it onto the ground. Then he reached his arms under her own to reach the top of their broom to steer. He directed them out of the stadium and flew around the lake. It was around eleven when they snuck back up the Gryffindor common room.

'So did I make it up to you?' James asked taking off his cloak and placing it on the back of the closest couch.

'You didn't have to in the first place.''

'Christmas is soon, we'll have to have a snow fight.'

'Yeah alright.'

They both grabbed glasses and filled them with water and settled by the fire. 'So...' James started as they watched the flames in silence. 'Was it good not having your face in a book?'

Lily gave him a piercing glare. 'My heads in a book because I'm learning and doing assignments, unlike you mister.'

'I never understood how you could put so much effort in.'

She shrugged. He got up and refilled another glass. 'But thanks for everything James. You have helped me a lot and you've also shown me a lot as well.' He looked back at her and starred into her emerald eyes. _She looks so gentle and fragile_.

She gazed back at his face; he looked at her with a strange sort of expression. She couldn't work it out, but it held such a power in them. Something she had never seen behind those eyes.

'Lily.' He said softly.

'Hmm' she murmured, mesmerized by his uncertainty of speaking her name.

James kept on watching her, the warm flames glowing off her features. Her beautiful green eyes were beckoning him. He opened his mouth and hesitated. _I love you… no, but I do? I shouldn't, why not? She's my friend_. James mouth closed and he felt his heart sink. He wanted to tell her how he felt about her, but was worried more than anything that he would lose this new friendship.

Lily watched his mouth close. Her heart, which was thumping as hard as it had when she kissed his neck stopped and fell limb. He turned to put his drink away leaving Lily to be puzzled. He returned back a moment later with empty hands. He watched Lily's puzzled face and smiled. 'I was gunna say thank you.'

_Oh…_ 'For what?'

'I dunno. That's why I didn't finish.' He laughed, but it didn't reach his normal cackle. 'Thanks for being a friend after everything I did to you. I was a git back then, but there is no need to worry any longer Lily. It's all in the past now.' He lied. 'I'm over all that.' He said regretfully.

Lily smiled. But inside herself she was disappointed. 'So you don't like me anymore?' She asked, although she was unwilling the answer. She didn't want to hear a no, yet she didn't want to hear a yes either.

James sat beside her. 'No.' He felt ashamed, lying through his teeth. He couldn't tell her, he couldn't loose her now. He remembered the night when they had been inches away from kissing. _Why did she do it?_ He often wondered since. _Vulnerability? '_It's late. You should go to bed.'

'Me? You should.' She argued.

'Ladies first.'

'Then off you go.' She poked her tongue out.

James made a dramatic gasp. 'How dare you.' He put his hands on his hips and gave her a girly pose. 'I'm not a girl. I'm a man.'

'Boy!'

'I'm too big to be a boy.' He winked at her.

Lily raised an eyebrow. 'Too much information James.'

He smiled.

'I never imagined this.' Lily said sighing.

'Imagined what? Lily Evans you better not be imagining how big-'

'James. Of course not. I meant this… you and I… friends.'

'Oh.' He smiled.

'I thought I'd end up killing you.'

'Well you don't want to know what I thought we would end up doing or being.'

'What did you think?' She asked curious.

'It was in the past.'

Lily could see the flecks of scarlet on his cheeks. 'Come on.'

James crossed his head. 'Nah its best I don't mention it.'

'James… I told you mine.' She whined.

He looked at her; again he had that face, that strange look. 'I saw us ending up together.'

'Together.' She repeated. The words settling around her mouth.

'Hmm, yeah. My arms around you, lips against lips. Weird past huh!'

'Didn't know you were so mushy.' He nudged her, his face gleaming in crimson. 'Too bad I didn't know you were like this before.'

'Whys that?' He asked anxious.

'If I saw you like this I would have said yes.'

His chest lurched at her words. _If only… she's vulnerable James, don't take advantage!_ He held her hand softly. 'Then I guess it was best that you didn't see me like this.' She starred at him confused. 'I think we better get some sleep. We have exams all week. And then the train comes Friday to pick up students for the Christmas holidays.' He tightened his grip on her hand and lingered it for a moment before leaving it. 'Night Lily.'

'Night James.' She said wanting to reach out for him. He went off to his dormitory. He had stated in so many conversations that he did not feel the same as he used to. _Just friends, nothing more… nothing less. _She couldn't be with him feeling more. She didn't want to mess with his heart now that it had settled. But she couldn't just stand by him with her heart throbbing to be with him a little closure. _I have to stay away from him for awhile. To get rid of these feelings for him. _She crossed her head angrily. _No, these are stupid irrational thoughts._


	10. Forget

**Forget**

**Chapter Nine**

So breathe in so deep  
Breathe me in  
I'm yours to keep  
And hold onto your words  
Cuz talk is cheap  
And remember me tonight  
When your asleep

Second Hand Serenade

The next few days of exams passed quickly. It was now Thursday morning. Lily sat on the couch closest to the fire of the empty common room. Her watch clicked five. Lost in blank thought Lily stared into the ash and burnt wood, her eyes watering. 'Lily'. Victoria walked into the room, 'What are you doing up so early?'

Lily blinked, turning with a smile across her face. 'Victoria, good morning. I thought I'd have an early start today. Lot's of exams. You?'

'Sore throat. I needed to get a drink of water.' She grabbed a glass and filled it. 'You went to sleep early last night. James said you were stressed. I overheard you having a go at him.'

'Yeah, I was stressed.' Lily lied remembering last night. She and James were laughing together as usual these days. Lily had the urge to rest her head on his shoulder. She remembered the encounter well.

_His smile turned into a laugh at her expense. She looked down her cheeks flushing crimson. Her eyes fell on his chest. She could see his perfect tone through his t-shirt. She looked back into his eyes pushing away her new thoughts of lust. She ran a hand through her curls, avoiding the thoughts. James leant over and brushed a few strands that had fallen in front of her face. His touch lingered around her ear. Against her own mind she moved forward, closer towards his body. _

'_I have to go.' She said standing. _

'_why?' He asked; obviously not ready to let her go._

'_Do I have to tell you everything?' She said sternly. She grabbed her cloak off her armchair and headed for her Dormitory. Ashamed by her outburst she laid on top of her bed. What must he think now? _

Victoria yawned. 'Breakfast will be ready in an hour.' She took a seat beside Lily. 'By the way, I've left a Christmas present on your bed. I didn't think I'd have time tomorrow, not with all the exams and packing for the afternoon train.' Victoria took a sip of her water and looked to Lily and asked uncertain 'Did you want to come to my house for Christmas?'

'No.' Lily smiled at Victoria's hesitant sentence of comfort. 'I am perfectly fine here. There are a few friends who are staying as well.'

Victoria had a large grin to this. 'You know Lils… you and James are a pretty good match.' Lily looked at Victoria bemused. 'I know his over you now, well so he says. But I think you two look really cute together. You should give it a thought.'

'Well as you said he is over me now so there is no point to give it an extra thought.'

Victoria thought for a moment. 'Love doesn't change just like that. I would bet that he still does… and' She added with a cheek 'I would also bet that you are starting to feel for him.'

Lily raised her eye brows and gave her friend a nudge. 'And what would you suffice that from?'

'I watch and observe is all. I'm going to get ready.' Victoria stood and made it to the stairs. 'Just give it a thought.' She called back.

_

James sat with Sirius and Remus in the Great Hall. Peter was stuffing his face with pancakes beside them, maple syrup dripping down his face.

'You know…' Sirius sighed.

'No I don't. Would you like to enlighten us?' Remus told him after a few moments of silence.

Sirius looked at him with a grin. 'It started snowing.'

'It started yesterday.' James put in.

'Yes, well today I noticed it… and you all know what snow means.' No one answered so Sirius continued. 'Snow fights! Come on, we'll have one after exams!!'

They agreed and stood ten minutes later for there first exam.

_

Lily walked into Charms and took a seat by Victoria. James walked over towards them with a big lopsided grin dazzling. 'The guys and I are going to play in the snow this afternoon. Would you both like to join?'

Lily looked towards Victoria who nodded excitedly.

James grin impossibly grew further. 'Great! I'll see you two there.'

It was one of the busiest day's at Hogwarts for the fifth, sixth and seventh years, who were found scribbling through papers, studying behind piles of books, or prancing about panicking as they went. Lily walked into the common room and put her books into her dormitory and sprawled herself out onto her bed, glad the exams were over for the day.

'Lily!' Victoria called, 'Come on the others are waiting down stairs.' Lily reluctantly rose from her bed, grabbing a pair of gloves and a scarf. She met up with ten others who were waiting eagerly. James and Sirius opened the portrait hole and beckoned everyone to follow suit. The corridors were cool, a cold breeze lingering through them. Christina grabbed hold of lily's arm for warmth.

'Okay everyone, we are going to team up into two groups. If you get hit with a snow ball your out and the group who is still standing wins. You can only hide in the grounds and when you're hit you must sit by the oak tree by the lake. Got it?'

Everyone agreed. Lily looked towards James who was fixing up his scarf. Peter was beside him trying to figure out how to best fold his own scarf. James looked up and caught Lily's eyes. She smiled and he returned it, putting a hand through his hair. The grounds were freezing. The snow made you sink into it up to your ankles. The sky was overcast and grey. Lily looked towards the lake. It was almost completely frozen over. First years were attempting to make ice castles beside it.

'Lets do girls verses guys.' Christina said as they stopped in the middle of the snow covered field.

'Alright, we give you twenty seconds to go hide and make snow balls. One… two… three…'

The girls started running as the guys made there first batch of snow balls. Ashlee, Victoria, Kura and Stephanie ran towards the forest while Christina, Zoe and Emma ran towards the lake. Lily quickly hid behind a large tree. She could hear the guys charge past her with snow balls ready. She giggled as they went pass without noticing her. She bent down to make her own snow ball as one hit the tree where she had just been standing. She looked up with her snowball ready and saw James. 'Missed.' She smiled simply. He picked up another snow ball.

'You were lucky.' He threw another snow ball; she dodged it just in time.

'Missed again.' She threw her own snow ball and he caught it in his hand. 'That's not fair.' She ran behind the tree and gathered another snow ball.

'Come out, come out where ever you are?' James walked around the tree. Lily crept around the tree almost running into a snow ball Remus had thrown. She turned and threw her snowball towards him and successfully hit him, square in the chest. He gave her a solemn bow and walked to the oak tree. James then came around the tree and rounded on her. She leant back into the tree cornered, his snowball raised and ready. 'Nice throw Evans.'

'Why thank you.' She eyed his snowball.

'I've got you cornered.'

'So you have. What are you planning to do with me?'

James raised his eyebrow. 'Hmm, I'm getting ideas.' Lily kicked him.

'You're sick Potter.' She quickly ran up towards the castle, a snowball slid past her, missing her by inches. 'You might be great at catching things but you're a pathetic shot. You must be the worst Chaser' she joked around.

'You're going down Lily Evans. I was just playing easy.' He called running after her. She laughed, stopping to gather up another snow ball. James leant down to make another as well.

'Catch this one Potter.' She threw her snowball at him.

'Ha, great throw Lily, it didn't even reach me.'

'Throw yours then genius.'

He threw it and she took her wand out, pointed to it and chanted 'Bombarda!' The snowball exploded, spraying them both with ice.

'Cheater.' He said making another one. She ran to him and jumped on him, wrestling him to the ground. He took advantage of this and rolled them over, pinning her. 'You cheated missy.'

'You cheated first by catching my snow ball.' Lily started making a new snow ball with her right hand. James oblivious laughed at her.

'What are you laughing at?'

'You.' He replied smiling. 'You're so cute. Look at your cheeks, there as rosy as your hair.'

Lily took his glasses off with her left hand. 'Can't see now thou can you?'

'I can see enough to notice they're the same color as your hair. Now can I have them back?'

'Nah…' She replied having too much fun. She put her hands up and brushed snow out of his hair, leaving her snowball beside her. 'You look like you have white hair. You even have some through your eye brows.' She removed them and let her finger slide down his warm cheek. 'You have soft skin.' She murmured.

'You have freezing hands.' He replied flinching.

'Good.' She replied holding his cheeks in her palms. James shuttered from her icy touch and felt around for his glasses. 'Looking for these?' She said placing them onto him.

'Thank you.'

She smudged her pre made snow ball into his chest. James looked down at his chest dumb founded. She threw him off and ran for the castle doors. He got up shaking the snow off himself and started chasing after her. The corridors were empty; a lot of students were in the grounds or in the common rooms packing. Lily ran into an empty classroom and waited in there for five minutes panting. The classroom was full of Christmas decorations. She slightly opened the door to the corridor to check if the close was clear. She stepped out and felt the cold breeze. She held her cloak closer and walked into the next corridor. It was full of decorations alike the room she had just been in. She heard a door close behind her. She turned quickly and saw James. She gave him an innocent look and backed away down the hall.

'I'm gunna have to come up with a really good idea to get you back with all the stunts you've pulled.' He said following her.

'Believe me you've done enough to me in the last six years.'

He smiled at her comment and rounded on her, she backed further away running into a wall. _Damn_, she thought, _a dead end._

'I always seem to corner you.'

'Hmm… that is true. So what's the genius idea huh? I want to know what you are going to do to me before you do it.'

'You know what Lily?' He said his voice a little bit softer, placing his hand against her cheek. Lily's heart thrilled at its warmth.

'What James?' She asked, hiding the jumpiness in her voice.

'You led us into an uncomfortable situation.' _Too uncomfortable…_

'I'm aware of that. I'm stuck on a wall.' _Remember to breath_

'Look up… 'He lifted her cheek. She looked up to the decorations above them puzzled. 'What am I looking for?' She looked back into his eyes, they were inviting. Her heart raced and she used all self control to contain herself from falling into his embrace.

'Mistletoe.'

Lily looked up again and noticed it. Her body froze.

'I'll have to talk to Dumbledore about putting mistletoe around the school.'

Lily managed to stifle a laugh. 'You love it James. You can steal kisses from all the girls.' She regained her control and smirked.

'Nah.' He replied, putting her hair behind her ear. 'I'd pretend I didn't see it.'

'Why'd you spot it just now?'

'It'd be your punishment.' _And my only chance_…

'Are you sure kissing me would be a punishment?'

'Of course it would. In all my years of wanting to kiss you I knew you'd despise it… and me.'

'You thought of kissing me aye. Was this one of your dreams?' She teased.

'Might have been. Can I steal a kiss…? '

He leant in slowly, brushing his lips across the small of hers. He held them lightly into a soft kiss. Her body froze once again at his touch. He released his lips open, enough to beckon her lips to slide in. Slowly his hand lowered to place itself around her waist, pulling her in closer. She let out a small gasp of air as there lips divided and his tongue reached her lower lip. Her own hands crept up his arched back, one residing to his hair. The messy strands slid between her fingers as she grasped his head closer, his body following suit. His lips fell rough and needy. Lily grabbed at him a little harder, forgetting all complications. Her breathing became unsteady and rushed, as was his. Her body flushed warm and feelings Lily had never dreamed of having for the irrevocable James Potter erupted. She could feel the beat in his chest against her own, the smell of his usual cologne filled her head, intoxicating her, leaving her breathless. She couldn't let him go, he was too addictive.

'James.' She managed to whisper as there lips opened for a moment. He looked into her green eyes, the eyes that had always got the best of him.

'yes lily?' His deep voice welcomed her back to his lips_. I cant be with him now and not want this cl_oseness_. I like him… a lot. I can't fall for him. His just my friend, no more, no less._

'I'm sorry.' She whispered.

He crossed his head ashamed of his advantages. 'It's okay… It meant nothing' He lied afraid of loosing her. She left his arms and ran back down the corridor. James went to run after her but she stopped, alarming him to halt.

'Don't' she said with a steady voice, her insides crumbling into pieces. 'Please just don't.' She walked away knowing she would never be able to be in his presence again and that he would never know why she ran away from him after tonight's events. _Or maybe he does know, maybe he knew but did not feel the same for me?_

James stood there, staring at the empty corridor before him, lost in the thought of Lily leaving. He turned to look back at the dead end, his heart dropping a beat. He could still feel the warmth of Lily's lips. _I stuffed it big this time. I shouldn't have mentioned the mistletoe._ He remembered the regret in her eyes as she left. _Regretting kissing me… her friend. I was stupid to think we would still be close after kissing_. He held his fist tight. 'Idiot.' He muttered to himself_. Now she thinks you're still madly in love with her. Well she's not wrong. She won't go near me now._

He took one last glance at the dead end and walked to the oak doors hoping she had gone back to the game. But she hadn't. 'Where's Lily?' Victoria asked as he made it to the group.

'She's in the castle; I think she may have gone back to the common room.'

'Is she okay?' Victoria took in his obvious reluctant reply. 'Are you hiding something James… come on, what happened?'

'I'm not sure.' He replied honestly putting a hand through his hair puzzled. 'I might have offended her; maybe you should go see her. I doubt she wants to see me.'

Victoria nodded curiously and walked up to the castle. Sirius ran through the snow towards James. 'Prongs.' He called gleefully. 'I won! Who got you?'

'Lily.'

Sirius fell into a bark of laughter. 'Ha beaten by a woman!'

'Hey!' echoed a few girls who were sitting by the oak tree. They picked up some snow balls and pegged them at Sirius.


	11. Different shades of grey

**Different Shades of Grey**

**Chapter Ten**

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind  
Or I wont live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
Your impossible to find

Fall for you-Second Hand Serenade

Night had crept over the castle. James sat in front of the common room fire, watching the flames endlessly flare against each other. The room was full of Gryffindor students, he noticed a certain dark haired girl who was walking by and settled at the water near him. 'Is she okay?' James asked Victoria as she made herself a drink.

She glanced over at his anxious stare. 'She says she's fine. She's just studying right now; I'm heading back up there soon. Would you like me to pass on a message?' James crossed his head unable to put a sentence together to explain how sorry he was. Victoria left him to continue pondering in his thoughts. He glared back into the flames his mind shadowing the warmth. It wasn't until he felt the pressure of Remus beside him that he came back into reality.

'It looks as if you're in a dilemma.' Remus started, 'Is there something wrong?' James shrugged. 'Did you tell her?'

James looked to Remus at these certain words. 'Tell her what?'

'How you feel about her.' James started to argue. 'It's quite obvious to those who observe. So what has happened to cause the dilemma?'

James sighed defeated. 'I think she knows I like her.'

'Are you sure?' Remus asked uncertain.

'I'm pretty sure. I think most definite she knows now.' He sighed once more and leaned against the couch restlessly.

'What did you do?' Remus asked concerned. The tone of voice made James feel a little edgy.

'I just… I don't want to talk about it.'

'You don't always have to be a big man James. Even at our weakest moments we need our friends to confine in. Take me as an example, I have a err... furry condition that I hid from everyone but Dumbledore. I was afraid that no one would ever accept me again, but you, Sirius and peter found out about my condition and helped me. I am not afraid to admit that it is one of my most precious memories I'll keep and I don't think you will ever understand how much that meant to me. Now I'd like to repay you with a little help of my own. At least let me try.'

James looked at his mate and gave him a small smile. 'Okay,' he started looking back towards the fire. 'There was mistletoe in the corridor and traditionally I kissed her. After the kiss she walked away and told me not to come after her. I think she knows I like her and probably just didn't want to have me around.'

Remus sat in silence for a moment. James watched him from the corner of his eye; he couldn't deny he felt incredibly tense to know what he was thinking about on his situation. Then right on cue Remus casually asked 'Did she kiss you back?'

James recalled the memory of their kiss; the thoughts of her lips dividing between his, feeling her warm breath against his cheek flooded his mind. 'Yes… yes she did. But it was because of the mistletoe.'

'Hmm. What did she do when she stopped?'

'Err she apologized and then left.' James racked his brains trying to remember the details. 'It was stupid of me. I should have pretended not to see the mistletoe.'

'And regret missing it and not knowing what could have happened?'

'Remus my friend, you are both to wise and smart for me. This is an uncomfortable conversation. It was good to get it out but it doesn't change anything.'

Remus stood and put his hand on James shoulder. 'I don't think you understand the situation properly. Think through it carefully. Go tell her how you really feel.'

'I can't' James answered agitatedly.

'No, you won't. You're afraid she'll leave.'

'If she hasn't already, yeah.'

'Give it a try Prongs.' Remus left him and went over to a study group in one of the common room corners. James continued to stare into the fire until he heard a name. Christina had called Lily's name out to join her by the sofas. James couldn't help but turn as she entered from the dormitory stairs. She walked over to Christina and several other girls followed by Victoria. James turned away from her. The thought of seeing Lily again did, as he thought would, remind him of the kiss. The fire seemed to remind him of the warmth that lingered between them.

'What you doing?' He heard Lily ask the girls.

'Discussing careers.' One of the unknown girls replied. James could see Lily in the corner of his eyes. She had taken off her cloak and was now in her sleeved vest. She was flicking her hair behind her shoulders, showing her beautiful green eyes. He caught eyes with her; she looked straight past him, and waved to a friend. James turned all his attention back to the fire.

'Go speak to her.' Remus called from the studying corner. James crossed his head. Remus just gave him a stern look and James stood up giving in. He walked over towards Lily.

'Err… can I please speak to you.' There was a pause before she turned around. 'In private.' Lily looked at him and then back to her friends. 'Please.' He waited. Hoping was all he had. She stood and he took her into a booth in which they had previously been in when she tutored him. 'Lily I am really sorry for what I have done.' James looked at her nervously, Remus words replayed in his mind. He crossed them out knowing a lie would be his only way to keep her. 'It was for tradition. If I knew you would have reacted like you did I wouldn't have done it. You're a great friend. That's all I think of you as. So please don't worry, I don't like you anymore then that.' He waited for her to say something. After a while he realized she wasn't going to. 'Come on Lily… what are you thinking?' She looked away. 'Please, just talk to me.'

'I'm sorry.' She said softly.

'It wasn't your fault, it's mine. I would have taken that kiss back if I could.'

Her heart shattered into pieces. 'James I have to go.'

'No. Let's talk about this. I want to make it clear that I have no other feelings but friendship towards you.' Her body felt numb, she was warming into a swell of erupting tears. She held them in. She couldn't bear to hear him continue. 'It was just a kiss.'

Lily held herself. _He doesn't feel for me at all. He has changed..._

'You told me to grow up, so here I am. I'm not letting a stupid kiss ruin this.' He said determined to win back her friendship.

_And now it is my fault, I have lost his feelings. I can't do this, I can't be with him_.

'Please.' He put his hand out to her.

She shivered. _I can't handle feeling like this; I must leave and forget it._ 'Let go.' She told him. He did as told and watched her as she glared at him. 'I can't be with you.'

'I understand why you don't believe me but think about it and-'

'I can never be with you. I have to leave, I am sorry.'

'Lily…' James gaped at her.

'Please just forget we were friends. It's for the best. Believe me it'll help.' _Help me rid of these feelings_.

'No!' James raised his voice. 'It wont.'

'You once helped me James Potter. Now I'm helping you.'

'No your not.'

'You don't understand.' She said desperately.

'I do. You think I'm still in love with you.'

Lily crossed her head aggravated. 'James as a friend would you do anything in your power to help me.'

'Of course.'

'So if I asked you something that could help me, would you do it for me and obey it.'

'Anything Lily.' He replied hopelessly.

'Okay.' She said without looking up to reach his eyes. Pain was stretching throughout her, her tears trying to find there way out. 'Leave me alone. Don't speak to me, contact me of any means find yourself in front of me from this day forth. If you care and are my friend you will obey my orders.' It was silent; she took her eyes from his body and stood.

'Why…' James said softly, pain coursing through his word.

''I'm sorry.' And then she left. The last time James would ever hear from her again. Her last words 'I'm sorry' echoed in his head and will be the words that will haunt his nightmares. He had lost everything he wanted. Lily Evans the meaning he believed to be his one true love.


	12. Hopeless

**Hopeless**

**Chapter Eleven**

_Its been a month. Only a month and things have changed as if it has been a year. I sit here like I usually do at this time, this place for the last month. Pouring my thoughts into the fire before me, listening to her voice from afar. That's all I can do here on out, listen from afar. Sneak glimpses every now and then. That's all any of us really see of her lately. She's become independent. I've never seen her this determined in her work before. She isn't eating much, she's lost some weight. She's never around. Only occasionally she lingers around her friends giving a laugh. Just a laugh, no more. I can see there trying to get her back on track. They believe her unusual behavior over the last month is because of her parent's loss. But I question that. It was me. But I don't understand why she's taking it out on everyone else. Is it something more or have I completely broken her down? _

_No, it wasn't just me. It must be more about her parents. I wish she'd just look at me. Just to realize I exist. I miss her. I keep hoping she'll come back. But I'll just hurt her more. She's right. This silence is for the best. I can't be with her because I won't be able to let go and I can't stand this distance either because I ache for her. Why? Why do I love someone who I shouldn't? Why can't I forget my feelings and move on? I want to hold her, to get myself into her head. But I don't want to hurt her any more then I have… lily…_ James sighed putting a hand through his hair in frustration. _I've gone loopy_.

__

Lily picked up her books from Charms and headed out the door for Transfiguration. Victoria waved goodbye and headed in the opposite direction for Divination. It was a cool day. The wind was screeching outside the castle windows. _A perfect day: Grey clouds, slight ran, freezing gusts of wind, trees swaying dangerously_. She felt like running into it, letting out her screams. She held herself tighter for warmth and dropped her Transfiguration books. She went to pick them up.

James kneeled down and handed it to her. There eyes locked for a brief moment and she quickly retrieved the book and turned. Her body shook from the sudden shock of seeing him. She gripped the book tighter against her chest hoping it would ease down the thumping in her heart. She had convinced herself that human emotions and feelings can be handled if determined enough with thought. She didn't expect him to come out of no where and take her breath away.

She could feel his presence walking behind her. She shook off her emotion pretending he was someone else. But it was as if her heart had targeted its desire. She considered being out in the storm screaming again. This one accidental surprise had created such an explosion inside herself. She picked up her pace, staying as far as she could get from his strong familiar cologne.

James watched her turn down another corridor feeling helpless. Sirius came up beside him laughing. 'Silvia Pia just accused Snape of rubbing his head against her seat. I put grease onto it. Classic! You should of seen his face. It was two pranks in one. What's with you, you morbid bunch of seaweed?'

'Seaweed?' James raised his eyebrow at him.

'Yup! You doing Quidditch practice still today?'

'Nah, it's too rough out there. They cancelled practice.'

'Good. You can help me with my History of Magic homework.'

'Why are you asking me to help when there's' Remus? Why are you even doing that subject?'

'I thought it would be an easy subject. Hmm Moony, good idea. See you helped me already.' They walked into professor McGonagall's class and found Remus and Peter sitting at the back of the room.

'Everyone take a seat, Lily and Remus can I please use your assistance at the front.' Both Lily and Remus stood and made there way to the front. 'You are to be captains of two teams. But before you are all divided into teams I will explain what we are doing. First of all you should all be able to transfigure a still object into an object of movement. You will each be versed against each other. The one who has the most creativity will win points for their teams. Any questions?'

Sam had his arm up. 'Yes Mr. Bilody?'

'So we are using 'Usellue' to change the still object into one that can move?'

'Yes, it could be as simple as an animal. It is your imagination. Just as long as it moves, now Remus you can decide who you want for your team. We'll go two at a time.'

Remus turned to the classroom and called out 'James and Sirius.'

'Lily.' McGonagall probed as Sirius jumped up and told Lily she was going down.

'Christina and Sarah.'

'Back to you Remus.'

'Jim and Zoe.'-

'Krystal and Tracy.'-

'Scott and David.'-

'Christopher and Brendan.'-

The list went on until the last students were chosen. McGonagall lined them up parallel to each other so that the two teams were facing each other. 'I am going to call a name from each team and they will verse each other first. Peter Pettigrew and Sarah Colony please step up. They both stood in front of the teacher. She placed two goblets onto the desk. 'On the count of three. One… two…' They both raised there wands and called out 'Usellue'. Sarah's goblet turned into a chicken. Peter's goblet on the other hand didn't do anything. Lily's team cheered as professor McGonagall pronounced Sarah the winner. 'You're through to the next round. Peter please take a seat and I advise you to learn that spell. It will be in our next exam. Christopher and Todd, wand to the ready, go.'

They both called the enchantment. Christopher turned his goblet into a bouncy ball. Todd had made his into a writing quill. 'Hmm, they are both good. I'll give the point to Todd.' Remus's team roared in applause. 'Lily Evans and Zoe Pierre.' James watched Lily carefully as she walked passed him to the front. 'You may go.' They both called out 'Usellue'. Zoe made an ant while Lily did some fireworks. Zoe automatically sat herself down before the teacher could. 'Excellent Lily, Sirius Black and Christina Whyte.'

'You're going down Chrissie.' Sirius smirked.

They raised there wands. Christina's goblet turned into a flag that was swayed by invisible wind. Sirius had created a toilet with it on flush. Everyone fell in laughter. 'Alright' McGonagall gave a small smile. 'You're in the next round. David Phemn and Tracy Mia.' They both came forward and pronounced the spell. Tracy's goblet turned into a hamburger with walking legs. David's made a dancing ballerina.

In the end it was Remus, Lily and James.

'It's obvious it was going to be those three. Remus and Lily are the smartest in the year and James, well James is the best at Transfiguration in our grade!' Sarah let out. McGonagall choose to ignore the comment and asked Lily and Remus to step forward.

'and wands to the ready. Go.' Remus had created a waterfall. Lily made a small plane. It flew across the room and a few tiny men jumped out with parachutes as the plane exploded. 'Lily you gain that point, now James and Remus. James if Remus beats you Lily automatically wins. Remus you can either become second or third. You may start.' James created a mini Quidditch field. You could see tiny people on broomsticks in red and orange against silver and green. One of the reddish figures flew up to McGonagall and grabbed the snitch. It was an unmistakable junior James Potter. 'Extraordinary.' McGonagall let out as the class awed. 'That's high standard work that is.' Remus gave James a cheer and sat with the rest of the class not bothering to beat him. 'Lily and James. Team head to head! On the count of three. One… two… three…' Lily took her wand and created wind. It took the room by surprise. Papers spilt everywhere. Lily stopped her enchantment and called out 'Seulles.' To turn it back into a goblet. The class then looked at James for his. He flicked his wand and the goblet disappeared. Soon it reappeared in words that floated in the air. The words 'Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, ring the Hogwarts bell' wavered then turned into a ribbon that tied itself together and grew mistletoe. It disappeared once again and two figures replaced it. It was hard to see who they were, James had blurred there faces. One was pointing towards the mistletoe, then they kissed and the other pulled away. They disappeared and the words 'I am sorry' placed out in cursive. The class applauded bar Lily and Remus who had clearly noticed what James had created.

'Who were the people?' Sirius called out in a lavvy dovy tone.

'They could be fictional' some one else called out.

McGonagall calmed the class down. 'Now Lily and James both gave wonderful examples, how ever Lily, you didn't turn yours into an actual object. In any means it was not solid or see-able. So the point goes to James. Remus team wins.'

James ignored the cheers he was given. He was watching Lily who was still looking at James words 'I am sorry'. He took advantage and made the words turn into 'I really am sorry, please forgive me.' The bell rang and Lily immediately grabbed her books and headed out the room without even glancing at James to show she acknowledged his words.

James headed up to the common room with the others. He felt completely drained. Not physically, but emotionally. He sat by one of the windows and looked out at the growing wind. The trees were swaying madly. Remus stood beside him.

'Pretty bad weather.' He commented.

'Looks like it.' James replied dully.

'Back in Transfiguration, I don't think that was a good idea.'

'I realize that.'

'hmm..-'

'Hey! What's that?' James looked closer out the window. 'That's Lily. Lily's out there!' Remus followed his gaze and just saw the red flecks of her hair swaying frantically in the wind. 'I have to go out there and bring her back in. Its dangerous out there, she'll freeze!'

'But will she listen.'

James took this in and took a moment to think. 'Well if she doesn't want me then I'll have to be something else.'

'Your crazy. Do you even know what you're saying?'

'I'm an animagus. I'll help her as a stag.'

'You'll frighten her.'

'Hopefully enough to get her back inside!'

__

Lily ran out to the lake. The wind was throwing her in all sorts of directions. She flicked it back and ran passed the oak tree towards the forest barrier. The trees were swaying dangerously. Lily looked back to the lake. The giant squid wasn't seen through the ripples of water. She let the wind carry her closer to its depths. Her eyes were filling up of tears from the pain she felt. The cold sprays from the lake cooled her skin. She started to feel numb. _If only my thoughts could be so numb. Then he wouldn't be so full in them._ Tears poured from her eyes. She screamed into the winds wail and let herself fall to the ground to weep in her arms. She gave another weep hoping James would come to help her as he had when she found out her parents had died. A thousand more tears had erupted. _Mum… Dad…_ She thumped the ground. _James…_ She had lost those most precious to her.

There was a noise behind her. She tilted her head up and listened for it again. Lily turned her head back and gasped. A beautiful creature stood on four legs, meters behind her. It gave her a lopsided head gesture. She puzzled and continued to stare at the stag. It took a step forward. Lily went to stand uncertain whether it was dangerous or not. It stopped and gave her another lopsided head gesture. _It couldn't be harmful. Just look at him_. 'You're very cute.' Lily sniffed, wiping her tears. She let it walk up to her and kneel beside her. She held out her hand and patted its head. She was overwhelmed with how confident she was to let a stag in her arms. Especially one that would of come out of the forest. _But its lopsided look was so warm, so familiar. _The stag was soft against her arms. It rubbed its cheek against her own and then laid its head on her leg. She smoothly rubbed his stomach. 'I shall call you... Harry.' The stag lifted his head to her. She looked into his eyes. 'You're a peculiar animal. It's almost like I've met you before. Ha. I'm talking to an animal how pathetic. My mind really has gone insane.' The stag licked her hand. She gave a small laugh. 'Do I taste good?' The stag licked her other hand. 'Harry.' She giggled. She held his head up and pressed her nose against his and smiled. 'Are you a message sent to tell me something… are you a sign?' Lily's smile faded. 'I've seen you before… so familiar. Who's sent you Harry? Was it… was it my mum?' A tear trickled down her cheek. Harry wiped it away with his furry cheek. 'You're an intelligent animal.' She starred into his eyes carefully, tying to get an answer. 'Hmm' she held herself from the cold. The stag lifted his head under hers trying to stand her up. She crossed her head. 'No I don't want to leave here. I don't want to go back.' The stag kept trying until she gave in and stood. The stag pushed her forward trying to make her walk up towards the castle. She slowly but gradually ended up in front of the oak doors. She turned to the stag and lowered her head. 'Hope to see you again.' She cupped his face and went to kiss his forehead. The stag moved from her reach before her lips made it. He waited until she had left inside the oak doors before transforming back into his human form.


	13. Guardian Knight

**Guardian Knight**

**Chapter Twelve**

The next few days went rather fast. Lily had walked out in rain or shine to see if Harry was by the forest. She had seen him twice since the first encounter, both at night by the moonlit lake. She would sit with the stag stroking him whilst talking about anything that came to her mind. She never mentioned her parents or James after the first night.

When she couldn't find the stag she would sit waiting, hoping he would show. Other then the time spent outside the castle she was found in the library studying, or in the common room.

James often purposely walked passed the library just to catch a glimpse of her. He would stare out the common room window and see if Lily was waiting for his stag form. He regretted being in her presence without her knowing who he really was, but he couldn't resist being able to see her or feel her warmth. Lily gave no sign of James existing in her life and to James being a stag was the only way he was able to be near her. He hadn't stopped loving her. Not at the least. Lily on the other hand had given no sign of anything. She hadn't told anyone of her feelings.

It wasn't long until the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months. James almost found this distance unbearable to the point he couldn't let his eyes drift to her without aching. He had managed to avoid watching her or finding himself in the same room. He would only let himself be of eye sight when he was in his animal form.

__

Remus walked up to Lily after their last lesson of Herbology and asked her for a private talk in the owlery. She agreed and followed him to the highest tower. Remus reached the landing and walked inside and sighed looking upon her. 'How are you feeling Lily?'

Lily stood beside the only large window and gazed at the view. 'I'm good and yourself?'

'Don't lie to me.'

Lily turned, shocked with the coldness in his voice. 'I'm sorry?' She said, watching him with caution.

'You're not alright. You haven't been alright for awhile now. You know that, I know that, the whole school basically knows that. But what we don't know is what!? What is it, and why?

Lily gaped at him 'I think I should go.'

'And run away like you have been doing since your parents died. James was there for you. But you left him too.'

Lily cringed. 'Look, I have assig-'

'Lily. I'm trying to help you since your not doing it yourself. I see you're not letting anyone in… why? Why are you ignoring James? What did he do?'

Lily crossed her head angrily.

'I'm sorry I'm saying this in a harsh way but I feel it's the only way to get through to you. Why are you destroying your life by pushing everyone away?'

'You don't understand.' Lily muttered.

'Understand what Lily? The fact that those who are there for you, to make you smile, to laugh are now nothing to you.'

'There not nothing.'

'Well that's how they feel. People are worried they think you're on a nervous break down. They think you and James had a fight. But I know better then that. Your doing this because you have lost your parents, that's very sad and then on top that your closest friend kisses you.'

'How'd you-'

'I was the only person he told. His worried for you. He thinks you hate him from the kiss and can't trust him ever again.' Remus started to pace.

'It's not like that.'

'I know. Because you kissed him back. What do you think of James? Deep down before your thoughts of pushing him away. What did you think of him?'

'The same as I do now.' She said honestly.

'Which is?'

'None of your business. This has been a great conversation, but I should go.'

'He helped you when you needed someone Lily. It hurt him like you wouldn't believe. But he was there for you while fighting off all his feelings for you. Now he's fighting of the same thing you were. Of course you don't know that. No one knows but Sirius and I. But I'm telling you because I believe you're the only one that can help.'

'Look your confusing me Remus?'

'James parents were murdered a week ago.' Lily dropped silent. 'Ever noticed why James hasn't been around you like usual. Why he hasn't been coming to dinner? No because you're too wrapped up in your own problems with pretending he doesn't exist. No one can go through things alone. Believe me I've tried. But now I am asking you to help.'

Lily had her eyes transfixed at the sight of him. He started to walk towards the door. 'You know what, through all of this do you know what James has been doing?' Lily didn't move. 'He has been looking after you. But of course you don't know that either because he can only do it by a distance since you won't let him any closer. He really cares about you…' Remus crossed his head restlessly and walked out. Lily stood there silent for a few minutes not sure how to feel. A tear trickled down her face and she wiped it away, turning to watch the sun set over the heels in the distance and for the sky to grow dark.

There was a noise from the entry. Lily jerked back from her half consciousness wondering how long she had stood there watching out at the grounds. The interruption of human life snapped her from her daze. James had walked in. She gave a little gasp as there eyes met. They stood confused and surprised at seeing one another. He broke the mood and found an owl to tie a letter to its foot. Lily turned back to the window ignoring the shaking in her body.

James peered over at her back. He finished tying the letter to the owl and took a step towards Lily in direction for the window. He stopped behind her and took in a breath. He could smell her perfume, slowly he went to reach out his hand to her, but stopped in regret. He walked past her and let the owl into the night. He watched waiting for it to disappear before walking back passed Lily towards the door. He stopped in his tracks and turned back to her. He went to open his mouth.

Lily could feel his presence still lingering. She wanted to hold him and apologize for everything she has done, to ask how he was and to explain to him of her behavior and finally to tell him the truth. 'James…' She turned to face the room. But it was empty. Her heart sunk and she gave one more look out the castle window before walking through the corridors to the Entrance hall. When she made it through the oak doors she ran to the far side of the lake and surprisingly found the stag already there. She ran up to him. It flung up in surprise. Lily kneeled down and put her arms around him. He stood there solid as she wrapped herself around him. She let go touching his cheek.' Your cheek is wet.' She said shocked. The creature looked away towards the lake. Lily gave him a pat and looked towards the water as well. 'Harry, I'm confused… I've been running from something that I've tried to pretend didn't exist. Because of that, I've lost a great friend. I didn't want to but I knew it was the only way that I could get rid of the feeling I was running from. But I still have it and I'm still running. I want to stop running but if I do I'll hurt him. If I do he'll know that...' She sighed. The stag looked up at her and she hid her face in his fur. He sat by her and leaned his neck in her lap. She looked up at the moon. 'I wish James were here.' The stag jerked his head suddenly. 'You okay?' Lily asked. The stag stayed still and she gave him another pat.

James sat by the window in Transfiguration the next day. He was talking with Sirius. Lily watched them surprised that James gave no sign of loss in his life. He was immune to sadness it seemed. He would have been a good roll model for her if she had seen this when she had broken down.

'Wanna go to the defense club in the Great hall tonight?' Christina whispered over McGonagall's screams at Peter Pettigrew.

'What defense club?' Lily asked puzzled.

'It was in the common room notices. It's just a defense skills class the teachers are showing us. So you in?'

'Properly not.'

'Suit yourself. It's time for lunch.' They picked up there books and left for the great hall. They met up with Victoria and took a seat around the middle of the Gryffindor table.

'Charms next.'

'Yup, good old Charms.'

'Remus, James, Sirius.' Sarah called. 'Come here for a second.'

'What?' Sirius asked walking up to them.

'You going to the defense thing?'

'Yeah why?'

'Because you're going to be my partner so I can kick your arse!'

'You can try!' Sirius lifted his arms to show his muscles. 'These babies aren't going down.'

'What ever mate' James said patting him on the back.

'Hey you can be partnered with Lily and Remus you can be with Victoria. Christina you can have Peter.'

'As if Sarah.' Christina said offended.

'I probably won't be going anyway.' James said. 'Meet you all in Charms, I've got to study.'

'Oh come on Prongs that's boring.' Sirius blustered.

'Yea, but I need to do it.'

'Eat first.' Remus told him.

'Nah, no time.'

Lily grabbed a bun and thrust it towards him. He looked at it hesitantly.

'Yeah, eat on the go.' Sarah nodded.

James put his hand over Lily's and took the bun. He gave her a small nod and left. Remus gave a little smile towards Lily. The groups left half an hour later to Charms and took there normal seats, waiting for the teacher to arrive. James came in a minute later and took a seat as Professor Dumbledore entered the room. Everyone watched as he made his way to the front of the room. 'Good Afternoon. I believe Professor Flitwick is setting up tonight's defense meeting along with a few others. Now we have a choice to make. We can study over what you have previously learnt in class or you could do it in your own time and have a free period?'

Most of the class stood wanting a free period.

'Well then that is the majority, you are free to go. Anyone who wishes to stay can do so. Good day.' He left out the door and everyone cheered running off to do something enjoyable.

Victoria and Sarah had linked arms with Lily and made there way to the common room. They walked in and took the lounge in front of the fire. The marauders came in after them and set up a game of Wizard chess. They called the girls over for a game. Lily watched as James denied a game and headed up to the dormitory. Victoria screamed in delight as she won the first game.

'Round eight.' Sirius bellowed.

They ended up playing all afternoon. More students joined the game. Lily found herself by the fire watching the flames and keeping her preverbal eyes towards the stairs hoping he would return. She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to see if he was okay.

Christina gave a laugh as Remus lost for the hundredth time. 'It's six o'clock guys. Let's head down to the Great hall.' A seventh grader called out to the room.

'But we have half an hour.' Sarah said.

'That gives us time to get good seats, come on.'

James walked into the room as everyone was pilling out. Lily saw him appear and made her way to him. She grabbed his arm and he turned noticing her through the crowd.

'Can I please speak to you?' She asked.


	14. I will remember

**I will remember**

**Chapter Thirteen**

'_Can I please talk to you?'_

He hesitated, but nodded. The room became empty and Lily took a seat. Her body was beginning to shake from nerves. 'How are you?' She asked looking up at him. Feelings swarmed through her.

He shrugged. 'Alright I suppose.'

'I'm sorry... ' She said watching his face. He looked down, his facial features were blank. She noticed the dark shadows under his eyes.

'For what?' He asked.

'Take a seat.'

'I prefer to stand.'

'Alright.' She stood too. 'I am, sorry for ignoring you for the past few months. For pretending you weren't here and for not giving you a reason.' He went to say something but held his tongue. Lily slightly aggravated and impatient said 'Please say something.'

'Why?' He replied softly.

'Why what?' She asked puzzled.

'Why did you run away?' She knew he was talking about the night of their kiss. She looked away and walked towards the fireplace, as if a little distance between them would hide her truth.

'I… I don't really want to express why. But I am sorry I walked away and never spoke to you.'

'Was it because you thought I still loved you?'

'No.'

'Don't lie to me Lily.'

The sound of her name rolling of his tongue sent a tingle down her spine. She turned her head in his direction. 'I'm not lying James. Truthfully I thought you considered me nothing more then a friend.' Lily sighed. 'I guess I should give you the reason.'

'Yes, I believe you should.' He let his gaze fall upon her. Lily felt the pressure of sadness in his eyes. She started to walk towards him wanting to embrace him and take his worries away, but stopped a meter from him. 'Before I destroy what we had I'd like to ask you something.'

'And what is that?'

She hesitated. 'The truth.'

'I'll give you the truth.' He answered.

'Then tell me how you really feel.'

'I'd rather not.' He took his eyes from her and settled them on the fire behind her.

'You're building it up inside yourself. It won't help. I've tried. You helped me when I was suffering from loss. Now I want you to let me help you with your loss.'

'Remus told you.' He stated the words flowed with no real tune to them.

'Yes, like you told Remus we kissed.'

'Fair enough. I don't need your help.'

'James…-'

'Lily you did fine ignoring me. If this is just about my parents then I see no point to this.'

'Ja-'

'Just because I am now dealing with loss doesn't mean you can waltz back in, feel sorry for me, try and help me and then leave once again. I am not a fool.'

Lily gaped at him. 'I care for you…' She blurted defensively.

He sighed. 'And I care for you.'

She cringed at the helplessness in his voice. 'Then let me help.'

'So when you're done you can leave me again?'

'I am sorry.' Was all she could respond. _It is better that way._

'Then leave.'

'You don't get it James!' She turned her back on him frustrated.

'What's there to get? You won't tell me the truth so of course I don't get it'

She put her head down in shame.

'Why did you run and ignore me. Why are you trying to help me even thou you are going to go back to ignoring me and if you really wanted to help you would explain yourself.'

'I can't'

'You can, you won't. You can't help me then. You want the truth from me; I'd like it from you.'

_He was right. He deserves every single bit of it. But I have kept my pathetic feelings this far_. 'It will make things worse.'

'How can it? Look at things, this is me far from okay I don't believe it can be much worse.'

'It can.' _I'll fiddle with your emotions and get you confused._

'You going to tell me that you've got a sickness, a disease?'

'No.' Lily said surprised by his accusations.

'It's not going to be so bad then.'

'This is worse.'

'Worse then your health?' He questioned, his eyes drifting back to her, puzzling.

'I guess not.' Lily sighed desperate, shuddering under his powerful gaze.

'Explain it.' He took a step towards her, she felt the thumping of her body and hoped James could not see the effect he had on her.

'No.'

'Why?' He was now aggravated.

'Because I can't' _I sound so damn pathetic._

'No you won't.' He took one more step closing in half the distance.

'I'm sorry.' She breathed helpless. Her mind intoxicated with his closeness.

'No your not.'

'James-'she started as she turned away from him.

He grabbed her shoulder and turned her back around. 'Tell me-'

'I love you.' She shouted, although the words were barely audible and choked. He let her go stunned. She could feel him starring at her; she looked up at him, her eyes watering. He had his mouth ajar, unable to find speech. She gulped holding back the tears. 'I love you.' She said the words softer and more coherent. He closed his mouth and stood there. Lily made for the portrait hole and ran.

She ran across the school grounds to fall beside the lake. The sun had disappeared over the last mountain tops and the moon had already found itself reflecting in the still lake. Lily silently sobbed into the cold grass. 'Why?' She sobbed in whispers. 'So stupid.' She felt warm fur brush against her. Her heart stopped alarmed. She looked up and found the stag leaning against her. He looked at her with a sad face. She looked into his eyes. 'I swear you're so...' She sniffed her tears away but collapsed in more sobs. The stag leaned his head on her shoulder. She put her arms around him. 'I shouldn't have told him. I can't bear to see him know… But I can't bear not to see him… What have I done, I told him I loved him.' She gasped, caught in a sob. 'I do love him.'

'Close your eyes.'

She heard a warm voice say against her chest. Lily closed her eyes welcoming the familiar voice and grasped the stag tighter. She could feel his warmth, his smell, his soft breath, his cloth of cloak and cologne. Lily froze feeling skin and-

'I love you too Lily.'

Lily let the stag go to find James. She gasped wildly confused.

'I am an animagus. I transformed into my animal form when I saw you out here in the storm. I thought it was the only way to get you inside and safe. Since then I've transformed because it was the only way I was able to be with you. I am sorry if I hurt you or offended you in any way.' Lily stood up and crossed her head stepping backwards. 'Lily?'

She started running. 'Lily!' He yelled after her. He got up and followed her. She was already making her way up the marble staircase before he had entered the oak doors. 'Lily.' He called again. She turned down a corridor and James followed, cornering her into a dead end. She turned.

'You were a stag all this time!'

'yes.'

'You said you didn't like me anymore!' She said angrily

'I lied.'

'Why?' _helpless_.

'Because I didn't want to lose you. You told me to change. You told me you only wanted to be friends. If I told you I still liked you, you would have walked away. I never knew you felt this way. I am so sorry Lily.' _If I had of just known…_

'I chose not to believe it.' She whispered

'Why?' He replied flabbergasted. She went silent. After a minute or two James spoke again. 'We had our first kiss in this corridor.' Lily looked around her surroundings.

'James…' _I don't know what to say…_

'Lily... 'He took a step to her and in reaction she took a step back. 'What's wrong?' He asked taking another step forward.

'You… I… I don't know. I just can't believe how stupid I was and I still find it hard to believe that you love me.' _This has all been so muddled with_.

'Your right. I don't love you.' Lily put her head down and went to leave. He stopped her and held her in front of him, lifting her head. 'Because it's more then love. I can not describe it. I am stuck under your spell. It's like I am destined for you. I am sorry for lying. I didn't want to loose you when you were so close.' He brushed a tear from her face. She went to hide her head but he kept it lifted. 'I love you.'

She gave a smile, overwhelmed. 'I love you too.'

He felt her cheek and leaned in for a kiss. She put her arms around him as he picked her up and spun her around. He let go for a moment. 'I will always and that won't change.'

'So you plan to marry me?' Lily giggled.

'That's not all I plan to do with you.'

Lily raised her eye brows. 'James!'

'What.' He said innocently. He brushed his lips against hers again.

**Five Years Later**

'Lily's his here, his coming. Take Harry and go!' James yelled from the living room.

'No, not without you.'

'I'll fight him off. Please go, you have to be safe.'

'I can't leave you.' Lily said desperately.

'Do it for Harry!'

'James!'

The front door was smashed off its hinges.

'GO!' James screamed to her.

Lily ran out of the room, her heart beating at an incredible rate. She heard James run into the entrance and heard the laugh of a second man. A man that was feared by so many. James yelled at him. The man gave another laugh and lights flashed around the room.

Lily grabbed her baby, Harry, from his cot and held him tight. He smiled up at his mother. 'Shh' she whispered, tears covering her face. Loud crashes were heard from down stairs. Lily closed her eyes hearing the horrific sounds of laughter from the unwelcomed man and her lovers curses. She prayed with all she had that James would be alright.

Everything went silent. Lily listened hard for a noise. There was a word spoken and a green light flashed, creeping through their house of Godrics hollow. A scream echoed in midair and then there was a thud, followed by another moment of silence.

Someone had died… Lily listened for the survivor… the echo of the scream lingered in her head growing ten times louder then it ever reached. 'JAMES!' She cried.

Piercing laughter came from the other side of the door. Lily held harry closer, tears streaming down her face. The door slammed open and a tall man in a travelling cloak walked in and laid his evil eyes on her.

'Hand him over' He asked in his deep voice.

'Never!'

'Give him to me now and I won't have to kill you, along with your unfortunate husband.'

'You will have to kill me!'

'Silly woman.'

Harry started crying in his mothers arms. Lily put him in his cot and turned to Voldemort, her wand raised. He gave a cold laugh and bellowed 'Advanda Kedavra.' The room illuminated green. It was full of Lily's scream of agony. She fell on the ground, sprawled out to live on with James in death, leaving there only child Harry to live on.

Voldemort lowered his wand to Harry and cursed the Death curse upon him. A light flashed and Voldemort yelped as the curse had somehow backfired. Afraid and distorted Voldemort fled the house. As the light disappeared the child laid there, unscarred, but a lightning shaped bolt on his forehead. He laid there crying, both his parents dead. Not to know he would be a child of no parents, not to know what his parents were like or how they smelt and sounded. Harry Potter the boy who lived, son of James and Lily Potter. The parents that will always be looking over him…


End file.
